Terri Cole

Woman on Cliff, Arvind Devalia, Goaly Blog

Fear is that powerful menace which haunts many of us from the time we are children to the moment of our last breath.

For life coach, psychotherapist and strategist Terri Cole, however, fear isn’t as terrifying as you’d think. Through a few simple, serious steps, you can start to dismantle the walls of fear which have been confining you.

Taking the Terror Out of Fear

1. Fear is just a feeling

We’ve been lulled into believing fear is more than just a feeling.

However, it’s just that: a feeling, an emotion. In the same way that you can be happy, sad, joyous or contemplative, you can be afraid.

“Fear is just like every other emotion, but somehow, in this world, it’s gotten this elevated status,” Cole said. “Start thinking about fear as you would other feelings. You have the power to change the way that you feel.”

“If fear is just a feeling, you have the power to change it.”

Recognizing that fear is just an emotion is a very good thing, Cole said, because it opens you up to be able to control your fears as you would other emotions.

“Imagine that fear is just a feeling and not a fact, how would your life change,” Cole asked. “Unless you live in an active war zone, 98% of the time the fear that you are feeling is just a feeling. If fear is just a feeling, you have the power to change it.”

2. Create a sacred space

Think of the first step in conquering fear — that fear is just a feeling — as the tool you’ll use to start working on your relationship with fear.

You’ll need a workshop to get the work done, and that’s where a “zen den” comes into play.

“This is a sacred space in your home where you can do the work we’re talking about, where you can meditate, to think and to expand,” Cole said.

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Decorate your space with calming accents which inspire you, whether they’re candles, pictures of loved ones or leaves and flowers.

“All you want for a zen den is a place for you to take a nice, deep breath and exhale,” Cole said. “This is going to be a place to meditate because this work is best done in a space where you can create some stillness and silence internally.”

3. Relax

Your zen den is the workshop where your work will get done.

In order to get that work started, you’ll need to be relaxed. Calm. Focused. Centered. Getting to that point is a difficult one. For many — Cole included – a state of relaxation is best achieved through mediation.

“You need to have an open mind to see what it is you need to see.”

Once you reach this meditative, relaxed state, you’ll be ready to ask some hard questions in the next tip.

“You need to have an open mind to see what it is you need to see,” Cole aid.

4. Ask Yourself the Hard Questions

“I hope that you’re sitting in your sacred space so that you feel expansive and you’re brave enough to look the real answers for you so you will be able to decode your relationship to fear,” Cole said.

Questions about your family of origin are a key element in confronting your fears and getting to the root of their power over you.

Many times, Cole said, the influence of fear on your life is a direct result of the environment you grew up in. Terri’s “Conquer Your Fears and Find True Freedom” free video strategy explores this environment with a series of probing questions.

We’ve included three of those questions here:

  • What was your family’s relationship to fear? Was there a lot of superstitions? How was your family origin when it came to fear?
  • What was your parents’ view of the world? Did they see it as a generous benevolent place or did they see it as a scary place?
  • Did your parents suffer in their own relationship to their own fear? Did they have anxiety, difficulty sleep or were they always afraid something was going to happen to you?

Bidding Farewell to Fear

As we said before, Terri Cole’s “Conquer Your Fears and Find True Freedom” free video strategy is a tremendous resource for your self-exploration and personal development. Her video also includes a fantastic meditation exercise. Check it out!

In the meantime, you take a look at Terri’s introductory video for her free series on fear: