Relationship and Family Coaches

Couple on Beach, Relationships, Goaly Blog

“I think it’s over…”

“In a relationship.”

It’s a status we’ve seen countless times on social networks. Sometimes it’s a cause for celebration and sometimes it’s a cause for envy.

And for every “In a relationship” we see in our Facebook feed, there’s an equal number – if not more – of people we know who are breaking off their love interests, long-time partners or marriages.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), nearly 90 percent of people will be married by the time they are 50 years old. Between 40 and 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce the APA said, with those numbers increasing for second, third and fourth marriages.  Of the marriages that last beyond the first few years, only half will make it their 20th anniversary.

Are we doomed to poor relationships? Can we rescue what seems to be lost?

We talked with leading U.K. Master Life Coach and hypnotherapist Gary Amers, who gave us five solid tips about how you can restore a relationship that’s failing.

1. Your heart knows the truth

Though it may sound a little campy, your heart really does know the truth about who you are, what you want and how you feel about people. If your relationship is on the rocks, one of the best things you can do for yourself and for the other person is take some time to listen to what you’re heart is telling you.

“Your heart is the center of you, and I truly believe your heart knows what you need,” Amers said. “It has answers and solutions and it knows which way to go.”

Amers recommended that you take some time by yourself in a quite place and think about the person you’re with whom you have a rocky relationship.

Heart and Sunset, Relationships, Goaly Blog

“As you think of that person, allow your feelings of love to present themselves,” he said. “Bring this picture of them close to you.”

2. Write Down What Your Heart Knows

As you ponder people you are picturing, it helps to use your words to understand the connections you have with the person you love.

Ask yourself questions beginning with the phrase, “My heart knows…” As you think about the person in the relationship which is faltering, write down 30 of these “My heart knows…” statements.

“Is there something inside you need to let go of? Your heart knows,” Amers said. “You’ll start to come up with insights about what needs to happen.”

“Your head will rationalize; it will say ‘Leave.’ Your heart knows it’s you who needs to let go.”

Look over your list and spend some time reflecting on what you’ve written. You’ll start to see indications of how you really feel about your loved one or friend.

“Your head will rationalize. It will say ‘Leave,’” Amers said. “Your heart knows it’s you who needs to let go.”

3. Identify Your Limiting Beliefs

As you look down the list of things you’ve made, you might notice there are certain beliefs you have about the person you love.

Many times these beliefs are known as “limiting beliefs”, those things to which we hold that filter everything that happens in our life.

Heart, Relationships, Gary Amers, Goaly Blog

For instance, Amers said, you might believe your partner is a cheater and it may be very hard for you to see them any other way. That belief limits the way you see your partner and it’s the paradigm through which you interpret many of his or her actions.

You’ll find, Amers said, that along with your belief — “He’s a cheater,” for example — is another belief that you probably should have, but don’t — “I can trust,” for example

4. See, Hear and Feel Your New Belief

Once you identify your limiting beliefs, you’ll see opportunities to take on new, positive beliefs to replace the old ones. To reinforce these new beliefs, try using your body and your voice. Place your hand over your heart and pectoral muscle and verbalize the belief you want to embrace. In this case, “I can trust.”

Amers calls this the kinesthetic response, which is a combination of the intersection between your beliefs, your verbal affirmation of that belief and  body language which exudes certainty and confidence.

“In your life, the only reason why you believe and perceive something is because you’ve seen it and heard it and felt it.”

“In your life, the only reason why you believe and perceive something is because you’ve seen it and heard it and felt it,” Amers said. “Now, you’re about to see hear and feel that you can trust and your body will operate from this ‘software update’.”

5. Shift Your Energy From Yourself to Your Partner

“Everything you’ve ever wanted, I truly believe, comes from someone else,” Amers said. “If you want more love it comes from someone else. If you want more money, it comes from someone else’s wallet.”

The same goes for relationships, he said. If you know your partner needs more love, it’s going to have to come from you. And if you’re focus isn’t on your partner, they’ll never be as happy as they could be and you’ll never be as happy as you could be.

“Make your partner feel great about how he or she is. You’re going to light them up, and as you light them up, they’re going to feel fantastic.”

“Sometimes in relationships you go from this togetherness where you’re focusing on your partner  to, ‘Its just all about me: Me, me, me, me, me,’” Amers said. “I want you to think about this: Has your life become about you … has it become more about, “You do your thing and I’ll do my thing?”

If you feel like your relationship has come to the point where you and your partner are doing your separate things, stop and think about how much you are giving.

“If you’re not focused on your partner, where is your focus going?  Make your partner feel great about how he or she is. You’re going to light them up and as you light them up, they’re going to feel fantastic, they aren’t going to want to go anywhere other than your presence,” Amer said. “Are you giving energy, or is it just about take, take, take, take?”

More Relationship Tips … 

These five tips are just a small piece of Gary Amers’ “Save Your Relationship and Fall Back in Love” free strategy series on Goaly. Check out his Save Your Relationship series for more ideas and strategies on how you can turn your relationships around.

In the meantime, you can get to know Gary through his introductory video!

Tired Girl, Tips for Getting Unstuck, Goaly Blog

Goodbye Rut, Hello New Reality!

“I feel stuck.”

It’s something we hear a lot from our colleagues, people who visit Goaly and from ourselves from time to time.

Providing a technical definition for stuckness is difficult. In simple terms, it refers to those moments or seasons in life where we feel like we can’t make any progress – no forward movement – no matter how much we want it.

Most of the time we aren’t aware of the forces amid our stuckness which are keeping us chained to one spot.

We turned to some amazing coaches to talk to us about what causes us to be stuck and how we can break free from our limitations and move forward.

We’re Ruled by the Terrible F.M.B.

The problem
Forbes columnist, leadership trainer and  career coach Kathy Caprino says many of us are stuck in one certain spot in life because we’re ruled by fears, mindsets and behaviors (FMB) we’ve developed over the years.

“We don’t realize that these fears, mindsets and behaviors not only hold us back, but they actually co-create and attract what’s happening in our lives,” Caprino told us.

The Solution
Getting out of this FMB dominion is a matter of taking ourselves to the next level of thought, a level where we have control over what we do and who we want to be.

“It’s only when we shift internally and empower ourselves to think, act and believe at a higher level can the outer changes we long for become a reality.”

“It’s only when we shift internally and empower ourselves to think, act and believe at a higher level can the outer changes we long for most become a reality,” Caprino said. “Einstein said, ‘A problem can’t be solved on the level of consciousness that created it.’ Truth!”

We Love Our Internal Auto-Pilot Setting

The Problem
Dating coach Julie Ferman
pointed out we have a knack for falling into a routine of behavior that becomes our way of life not because it’s best, but because it’s easiest.

“We tend to keep doing things the same way. We get stuck in ruts, patterns of thought and behavior, and it’s uncomfortable to do something new and different,” Ferman said. “It’s ‘easier’ to just be on auto-pilot, going about our day’s journey in a way that’s already known.”

The Solution
The best way to break out of our auto-pilot rut, Ferman said, is to make the choice to be courageous and thoughtful.

“It takes courage and commitment to stop, think, and act or behave in a new way by choice as opposed to instinct or pattern,” she said.

“We honor our humanity by stepping into that place of courage and commitment, initiating a new reality for ourselves.”

In fact, choosing to break out of our auto-pilot actions and embrace a new life is one of the unique things which makes us human.

“As humans we have the ability to choose… and that’s what’s uniquely special about being human,” she said. “We honor our humanity by stepping into that place of courage and commitment, initiating a new reality for ourselves.”

Happy Girl, Overcoming Our Ruts
Change is possible through courage and commitment…

We Don’t Think We Can Change

The Problem
Aboodi Shabi, one of the United Kingdom’s leading leadership developers and transformation coaches
, told us many of his clients don’t truly believe they can change.

They get so accustomed to living their life according to their habits — both good and bad — they don’t realize they are capable of changing themselves and leaping out of their rut and into a new reality.

“We can fall into believing that we can’t really change who we are.”

The solution
Identifying the the thoughts which underpin our belief that we can’t change is a key to getting unstuck.

“We can … fall into believing that we can’t really change who we are,” he said. “If we don’t address the your core beliefs and interpretations, then new learning isn’t likely to stick.”

Reaching Back in Time

The Problem
Leading financial coach Michelle Tascoe
said many of us live our lives a certain way based on our tendency to look to previous events in our life for answers about what to do in the present.

“People get stuck in a pattern when they look to the past/experience for answers,” she said. “By doing this they get more of the past and never create a new future.”

When you’re stuck looking to the past for what you want, you tend to lose sight of what you truly desire in the present.

The Solution
Tascoe told us the key to making a change in your life is to know what you want and to desire a transformation.

“Just wanting to change isn’t enough. If you don’t know where you want to go you’ll never get there.”

“I am shocked by how many of my clients initially don’t really know what they want,” Tascoe said. “There is a saying that people perish for lack of vision. Just wanting to change isn’t enough. If you don’t know where you want to go you’ll never get there.”

Caught in Core Beliefs

The Problem
“Human beings get ‘stuck’ in particular habits of being when our core beliefs – about ourselves, about other people, and about the world itself – are inconsistent with the results we desire to achieve,” certified Law of Attraction coach and life coach trainer Christy Whitman told us.

For instance, she said, if you believe that you are inadequate, that belief becomes a filter through which you interpret everything that happens.

The Solution
Most of the time, that filter will reinforce your belief you are inadequate. If you wan’t to break out of the life you’ve been living, you’ll need to expose these beliefs.

“By bringing these hidden beliefs to the light and taking actions that challenge their validity we shift our consciousness and later our reality.”

“By bringing these hidden beliefs to the light and taking actions that challenge their validity,” Whitman said, “we shift our consciousness and alter our reality.”

If you want to know more about Christy’s introductory video for Goaly: