Personal Growth

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Listening to the heart – that’s intuition

One of the UK’s leading coaches Carole Ann Rice shares her secrets to unconscious intelligence.

Our ears never get us into trouble. But our mouths need a police escort sometimes and a lock down in some cases. If we listen and don’t jump we can weigh up a situation and take a measured response. But sometimes it’s the wrong one especially when we override our filter and go straight for brain reaction.

Our filter? Our hearts, of course. Our hearts never desert us, never turn away, never really let us down. Our minds, heads and egos often run away with a situation leaving us stuck with the consequences for good or ill. But imagine if you could just pause for 5 minutes and ask that other true presence – our heart – what it feels about the situation. It’s the inner voice that doesn’t use words.

I have coached countless women, who, in particular seem disconnected with their intuition or gut instinct. They routinely date users and losers seemingly incapable of having the protective inner compass that sets off alarm bells and warns of potential dangers ahead.

Highly functioning, professionally successful women who don’t seem to be able to tune into the frequency that says “don’t’ even think about it” as they head crazily into situations and relationships that would have others digging out air raid shelters under their desks bulk buying supplies of bottled water and nacho chips.

In her seminal book Women Who Run With The Wolves poet, psychoanalyst and social historian Clarissa Pinkola Estes says that it is neglectful, suffocating or careless mothering of daughters that can cause a faulty intuition guidance system in later life. She says: “when we assert intuition we are therefore like the starry night: we gaze at the world through a thousand eyes”.

I have never dated a bad guy and few people or situations have hoodwinked me down a blind alley of pain or deception. But I have always had a strong sense of what I like, trust and need. My psychic radar is an essential bit of my kit. I hone it well.

I find developing this special sense requires patience, trust and subtlety. It takes self belief, confidence and self awareness to tune into the gentle whispers or vibrations which are our clues. Learn to listen to the mellifluous rhythm of your heart messages as your spiritual sat nav.

Here I share some of my methods which steer me well when forming relationships or negotiating business opportunities.

 

    • I look deep into the eyes of the person who is offering something. Are they kind and sincere or cold, flat and without feeling?
    • What sort of feeling does their presence give me? Do we have connection and real synchronicity?
    • How do they smell? What is their body language? How is their face in repose when no one is looking? Is their laugh rich or hollow?
    • Do their words sound real or fake? What words stand out? What are they really saying?
    • Is there any element at all of threat? Even the merest hint must be minded.
    • If there is any doubt I delay until sure. I won’t be railroaded. I would rather decline than be rushed. But beware of analysis paralysis which will bind you to confusion.
    • How does my skin, breathing, body and trust levels feel about the person/situation?
    • Learn to discern between fear, excitement and dread.

One of the saddest life lesson is regret. Not taking an opportunity or making a wrong choice. Try to play out the scenario being offered in your head. What are the pros? Can you live with the cons? The bottom line is to ask your heart – what do I need to know? Will I prosper and thrive or barely survive? How will I feel if I don’t step forward? Can I live with that? Will I be OK whatever happens?

It is our life’s journey to know ourselves. Our loves, our values, our passions and our fears must be understood and considered. We must have firm personal and professional boundaries and learn to say no. People pleasing can make you a resentful or abused victim when used as a tool to garner love. Desperate needs cloud intuition.

The answers you seek may take time to form and may come in dreams, a sudden flash when walking down the street or in the shower so give it time if you can. Trust your higher self, your heart, knows the answer and believe in its wisdom.

You do know, you know?

Carole Ann Rice www.realcoachingco.com

Want to get more coaching from Carole Ann Rice? Check her strategies right here:

 

How to Love your Envy

How to Stop People Pleasing
How to Stop People Pleasing

 

 

 

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Road, Arvind Devalia, Goaly Blog

Overcoming the Pain…

Trauma is something nearly universal to humanity.

We talk a lot about trauma on Goaly because, as we gathered the step-by-step strategies from our coaches, we realized many of them had to deal with some level of trauma in their life before creating their successful coaching pracitces.

Trauma is something nearly universal to humanity.

What fascinates us most about these stories is the redemption involved in the trauma. How did they overcome the devastation they experienced? What mentality did they have in order to overcome?

We recently talked about trauma with Arvind Devalia, founder of Make It Happen, author of the Amazon bestselling book “Get The Live You Love” and writer behind the Make It Happen blog.

What, in your opinion, is the factor in a person’s life that makes them able to cope with trauma better than others?

Everyone is different and has different ways of coping with stress and trauma. Some people are just able to switch off as if nothing has happened, whereas others go to pieces.

A number of factors can make a difference here – such as past experiences of life, cultural and family background, spiritual beliefs and personality.

Man, Triumph, Arvind Devalia, Goaly Blog

Having a strong family-and-friends support network is a key factor — the person suffering knows he or she is not on his own and can fall back on the love and support from those close to him or her.

Sharing your feelings and thoughts with your loved ones will really help.

Share with us a traumatic moment you experienced. How did you overcome it?

Many years ago I had a number of life changes happen to me in one concentrated season of life.

The dot com start-up I was involved in with some friends ran out of cash and went bust, and at about the same time my wife and I separated. Also, the apartment I was living in was coming to the end of its rental agreement.

“It felt like I had lost everything I had strived to build in my life.”

The day my wife and I separated was the most traumatic experience in my life up until that point. It felt like I had lost everything I had strived to build in my life.

What helped me cope that evening was this: I sat down in the apartment which now felt so empty, and reflected on the question, “What’s the worse thing that could happen?” Though my heart felt like it was broken, I still had my faculties, my drive, my intelligence.

In that moment, I told myself  I would get through this and I realised that, logically, the only thing I could do was to focus on getting a new job and a new direction in life.

“I took each day one at a time and I slowly got my life back together again, day by day.”

And that’s what I did – I got myself a new job within weeks and was soon living in a new rented apartment. I took each day one at a time and I slowly got my life back together again, day by day. Those days soon became months and years -and the rest is history.

What are three things people need to remember as they work through a traumatic experience?
  • Ask yourself, “What’s the worse thing that could happen from here on?” Focus on things improving and remember that things are never as bad as they may appear.
  • People around you are willing to help – just ask for help and let them support you.
  • Take great self-care and remember to sleep and eat as well as possible – your body needs optimal support at this time.
What are three benefits of addressing trauma and attempting to work through it?
  • You grow and it makes you a better person.
  • You realize just how resourceful and clever you really are.
  • Your experience gives you new perspectives on life – and stops you from worrying about things you can’t control.

 

Desert, Leadership, Aboodi Shabi, Goaly Blog

“The only definition of a leader I know is someone who has followers.” – Peter Drucker.

U.K. coaching and leadership guru Aboodi Shabi brings his wisdom to the Goaly blog once again today, giving us some insight into his philosophy of leadership. He challenges us to ask ourselves a question we hardly ever hear in leadership circles.

How Unavailable Are You?

When I work with leaders, I often ask them this question: “How are you unavailable as a leader?” What do I mean by this?

The Drucker quote suggests that it is your capacity to engage with others in such a way that they are willing to follow you that marks you as a leader.

For all of us who work as leaders, or who take on a leadership role in life, that capacity for engagement is an on-going process of learning.

A Way of Being

Leadership is not just about technical ability, or about a skill-set – it is about a way of being. We are talking about the ontology of a leader, if you will – what is it in our being that impacts how others perceive us as a leader. How do we show up, and how does that affect whether or not others are willing to follow us?

“How available are you for relationship?”

So, to come back to that question, I am asking leaders to reflect on those aspects of themselves which get in the way of their being someone people will want to follow.

Of course, this isn’t only applicable to leaders – even if we are not in a formal leadership role, we will need to relate to others and to be seen as someone that others will want to engage with.

Leadership, Aboodi Shabi, Goaly Blog

The question could be made more general: How available are you for relationship? What aspects of yourself get in the way of being someone that others will want to engage with?

Here are a few examples of things which can get in the way of your availability for relationship:

  • You like to always do things your way
  • You need to be liked
  • You are very results-focused
  • You don’t take time to really connect with others
  • You might find it hard to ask for help
  • You’re uncomfortable with not knowing all the answers.

While all of those things might be useful at times, they can also negatively impact your availability for relationship.

Relate More, Engage More

If you want to become more available for relationship, or you want to engage more in life, then one of the first steps will be to identify where and how you are unavailable.

The best way to find this out is to ask others. Sometimes you might not even need to ask – you might simply have to listen to what others have been trying to tell you all along!

Take some time to ask, or listen to, people around you. How do they experience you?

Some of these conversations may not be easy, but try to listen from a mood of openness and willingness to learn rather than trying to defend yourself. If you want to relate more to others then surely it’s worth trying to find out how they experience you

“If you want to relate more to others, then surely it’s worth trying to find out how they experience you.”

Note that this isn’t about you becoming what others want you to become – it’s not an either/or situation, but a chance to reflect further on what it might require for you to be more available in your relationships with others, and to participate more fully in life.

© Aboodi Shabi – 2015
aboodi@aboodishabi.com - www.aboodishabi.com

Headphones, Aboodi Shabi, Goaly Blog

Ever wonder why coaching — whether for business, career or life — is so effective for so many people? U.K. leadership developer and coach trainer Aboodi Shabi joins us today to talk about why listening is such a crucial part of the relationships between coach and client.

Are They Mad?

Towards the end of her life, my mother, who grew up and lived in Baghdad until she was in her late thirties, developed Alzheimer’s and started to forget herself during her conversations. Whenever we spoke on the phone, or when we met, she would ask me what I did for a living, and I would try to explain.

“She would look at me with a slightly astonished expression on her face, and say “They pay you? To talk to them? Are they mad?”

It’s never been especially easy for me to quickly sum up just what it is that I do, but explaining coaching to someone whose English wasn’t fluent and who couldn’t remember anything anyway, was especially trying.

Occasionally, however, she would get it.

And then, she would look at me with a slightly astonished expression on her face, and say “They pay you? To talk to them? Are they mad?”

A Solution to Every Problem?

The story about my mother and I is one I often tell, and it points to something at the heart of why I do what I do. We live in an increasingly rational culture, one that believes, in its rationalist way, that there is a solution to every problem.

“If self-help books work, how come we need more than one?”

This has penetrated our culture in ways I couldn’t have imagined as a child. Go to any bookshop, and you’ll find rows of shelves devoted to “self-help” books; look on the internet and you’ll find advice on how to deal with any problem you can imagine, and some you can’t.

And yet, despite the mass availability of good advice, information on how to deal with our problems, workshops on how to make money, find or maintain relationships, live powerfully, etc, we are still seeking something.

Rationality, Aboodi Shabi, Goaly Blog

Something else that I often say is that “If self-help books worked, how come we need more than one?”. It’s not that the information out there is bad or that the courses offered aren’t any good, but it seems there is something missing. Something that people will, despite my mother’s protestations, pay for and which they value.

The Answer: Listen + Listen + Listen

That something, I think, is listening. Sounds simple, but it’s almost as if the more solutions there are out there, the harder it is to simply be listened to.

When we talk to our friends or our colleagues about our challenges what we often get is advice – “Read this book,” or, “Do this course.” Or, worse, we sometimes get told we should “Just deal with it,” or “Get over it.”

“We don’t really get listened to. We get information and advice.”

In other words, we don’t really get listened to – we get “fixed”, or “told what to do”, but we don’t get listened to in the sense of being legitimised in our own experience. We don’t get seen, we don’t get witnessed and we don’t get that connection. We get information and advice instead.

For the Dogs?

Those of you who have dogs will know that, if you throw a stick for a dog when you are out walking with it, the dog will run after the stick, bring it back to you and drop it at your feet for you to throw it again. The dog doesn’t simply want the stick; it wants the connection, the relationship.

Information and advice are a bit like the stick. It’s not that we don’t need advice or solutions to our problems – of course we do – but often  what’s needed in addition to these things is simple listening.

Dog, Aboodi Shabi, Goaly Blog

In fact, I’d say listening is something that’s so vital and so rare.

Sometimes we miss the obviousness of simply giving someone the gift of listening. I know, from my own experience as a coach and also from the experiences of the coaches I have trained and worked with, that often the coachee will say that, in coaching (and also in counseling), they have been able to speak of things they have never spoken about before. The simple act of being able to speak those things was sufficient.

In the excellent book, “A General Theory of Love” , the writers Amini, Lewis and Lannon argue that one of the main benefits of counselling (for which you could also read “coaching”) is the connection between the counselor and the client – the limbic connection between them is the healing, not the content.

To Be Heard, To Be Seen

In summary, I think we can say that the human soul longs for, perhaps more than anything else, the chance to express itself and be heard or seen. It doesn’t need to be fixed, told what to do next or given a solution. It simply longs to be witnessed.

“The human soul longs to express itself and be heard or seen. It doesn’t need to be fixed. It simply longs to be witnessed.”

This need has been around since ancient times. Writer Joseph Campbell used to talk about “sacred space” – a space where people would gather to speak of their important matters and where the act of speaking would in itself be transformative.

I think it’s that space that people are seeking – the space where they can hear themselves and be witnessed. And, for that, no, I don’t think they are mad to pay.

© Aboodi Shabi – 2015
aboodi@aboodishabi.com - www.aboodishabi.com

Silly Guy, Aboodi Shabi, Goaly Blog

“We sit here stranded though we’re all doing our best to deny it.” – Bob Dylan (Visions of Johanna).

Our blog series with Aboodi Shabi, one of the U.K.’s leading coaches and leadership developers, continues today with the topic of incompetence. It’s hard for us to admit our mistakes and break out of our comfort zone, but Aboodi will do just that with the following post.

Declaring your Incompetence

I learned to drive more than thirty years ago, but one thing I never quite mastered was parking. Of course, I could sort of park, but I always struggled with parallel parking and would often give up on a parking space because it was too tight for me to get into.

I just put up with this and the frustration it caused. I didn’t think to ask for help, partly because I didn’t know that help would be available, but mostly out of embarrassment – parking is just one of those things one “should” be able to do.

Parking Your Pride

And then, a few weeks ago, I was visiting a friend for a walk. As I pulled into the car-park, she greeted me with “Gosh, your parking’s really awful, isn’t it?” Fortunately, I was in a good mood and was able to simply respond by agreeing with her,  saying that I’d always struggled with parallel parking.

Parking, Aboodi Shabi, Goaly Blog

Having acknowledged my incompetence, I was able to receive her offer of help and she set about teaching me the basics. Half an hour later, I understood something I’d never known before, and have been practising ever since.

It sounds like no big deal, but I think it touches on a fundamental aspect of human learning.

Help Me! (Or Not)

In my years of working with people, I have consistently come across one huge obstacle to learning that shows up for people however sophisticated, competent, or clever they are – the inability to admit the need for help, or more bluntly, the inability to admit their incompetence.

Even when people come for coaching or to one of my learning programmes, their starting point is often that “everything is fine” – to which my response, whether it’s spoken or not, is to reflect on why they have called me if nothing is wrong or if there is nothing they are struggling with.

Stop sign, Aboodi Shabi, Goaly Blog

It’s very hard for people to say “I’m lost, can you help me?” Just like the cliché of the guy who refuses to stop and ask for directions when driving, we live in a time when individuals are supposed to be able to help themselves and overcome any challenges alone. Any admission that we don’t know how to do something is a sign of weakness.

Where is Your Incompetence?

So, if we substitute other things for parking, where might you be just putting up with something you’re unable to figure out? Where are you sitting with frustration, embarrassed to ask for help, or not believing that help could be available?

Maybe you’re frustrated by the expectations of others at work and feel unable to do anything other than trying alone to stay on top of things. Maybe you feel unable to change some aspect of your personal life – you might drink too much, or feel unable to stop fighting with your spouse. Maybe you can’t find a way out of your financial difficulties.

In almost all of these kinds of situation, there is a way out of our difficulties. Support is often available to us, but, until that admission is there, until we declare that we can’t manage something or that we need help, real change is not possible.

“The hardest part of the learning journey or of making changes is the admission of the inability to do something or of the struggle.”

People are often willing to help us,  offer us new perspectives and ways out of our difficulties or provide comfort in our struggles. However, if we are unwilling to acknowledge the difficulties we face, then we are not going to be open to such support.

What I find time and time again in my work with people is that the hardest part of the learning journey or of making changes is the admission of the inability to do something or of the struggle. Once that step has been taken the process is usually simple, if not easy.

Surrendering to the learning journey by declaring one’s incompetence is the doorway to beginning to change.

Questions for Reflection

  • Where are you frustrated or struggling with a lack of progress in your professional or personal life?
  • What might be your learning challenges or areas of incompetence?
  • What stops you from admitting those challenges and asking for help?
  • What help might be available to you, once you begin to ask for it?

© Aboodi Shabi – 2015
aboodi@aboodishabi.com - www.aboodishabi.com

Boy, Aboodi Shabi, Goaly Blog

“We shape ourselves to fit this world and by the world are shaped again.” David Whyte

All of us have behaviors shaped by factors outside of ourselves.

Leadership developer and founding co-president of the U.K. chapter of the International Coach Federation Aboodi Shabi talks with us today about how we can identify and transform our learned behaviors. Enjoy!

From Apartheid to Great Expectations

In the introduction to Peter Senge’s book “Presence”, there is a powerful story from a leadership workshop Senge was running in South Africa in 1990 during the last days of the Apartheid system.

During the workshop, which was for both blacks and whites, the participants were shown a video of Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech, which had been banned in South Africa, and which many of them had never seen before.

After the video was shown, one of the participants, a white Afrikaans businessman, turned to one of the black community leaders, Anne Loetsebe, and said to her: “I want you to know that I was raised to think you were an animal.” And then he started crying. Anne just held him in her gaze and nodded. (You can read the full story here.)

Similarly, Estella, the adoptive daughter of Miss Havisham in Dickens’ novel “Great Expectations”, is depicted as being unable to love because she was brought up by a mother who had hated men after being jilted at the altar.

Learned Behavior: It Can Change

Stories like that illustrate that people aren’t “racist” because they are fundamentally evil or bad, nor are they “unable to love” because they are inherently unemotional. We are the way that we are because that’s what we have learned. And the things that we assess as character “deficiencies” might simply be things we have or have not learned.

“We are the way that we are because that’s what we have learned.”

When I work with people, in all kinds of contexts and situations, I frequently hear statements like “That’s just the way that I am,” “I’m really bad at asking for help,” or, “I’m never going to be any good at leadership.”

On further exploration, we usually discover that, at some point in their early lives, they were trained to be a certain way, or not trained in a particular competency.

Suddenly, what initially seemed to them as a character flaw becomes simply a recognition of a lack of learning or training, and then a different kind of possibility occurs – the possibility to train in a different way, to learn a new way of being.

“What seems a character flaw can become simply a recognition of a lack of learning or training, and then a different kind of possibility occurs.”

Of course, as with the stories above of the Afrikaner businessman or Estella, this realisation can bring with it a lot of pain, regret over what we might have missed or sadness over not having realised this earlier. There are so many things I wish I’d known when I was twenty, rather than having to wait until I was thirty or forty or fifty, to discover!

Feeling Freedom

Once we realise those things, there’s a new kind of freedom as well as a compassion that sets in when we realise that we’re not intrinsically flawed, but that we have been trained to live, think, or be a certain kind of way. Then, we can be available for learning – for re-training – in a way that we were not before this understanding.

Girl Running, Aboodi Shabi, Goaly Blog

 

That awareness can bring about a powerful shift in our mood – we’re not doomed to be the way we might have been all of our lives. We can learn something new – in much the same way as we are not doomed to only being able to speak our native language because that’s what we learned growing up, so we are not condemned to being unable to love, or to not being able to ask for help, etc.

Simply put, once we understand that who we are is, to a large extent, who we have learned to be, we can learn to be something new.

Questions for Reflection

  • You might like to take a look at “who you are” – at your characteristics and personality, and reflect on how you might have learned to be that way.
  • If you have aspects of yourself that you see as ‘flaws’, can you see them as simply ‘things you have learned’?
  • What do these reflections open up for you?

© Aboodi Shabi – 2015
aboodi@aboodishabi.com - www.aboodishabi.com

Talking into can, Aboodi Shabi

“The secret of tango is in this moment of improvisation that happens between step and step.” – Carlos Gavito

Today,  Aboodi Shabi, a transformational coaching expert and founder of the U.K. International Coaching Federation, offers his wisdom about the art and skill of grabbing someone’s attention with just the right amount of vigor and restraint.

How Do You Grab Someone’s Attention?

How much is too much? How little is too little?

When I did a somatic coaching course a few years ago, one of the exercises during the workshop consisted of literally grabbing someone else – by the arm – in order to get their attention.

“Whether we are acting in a designated leadership role, or simply taking the initiative in life, we need to get the attention of others throughout our day.”

As we worked on this, we were asked to pay attention to the question of how much is too much, and how little is too little. If I grab someone too hard, then I risk overwhelming them or putting them on the defensive, and if I don’t grab them hard enough, then I risk being ignored.

This question is a key territory for learning in the work I do with leaders. Whether we are acting in a designated leadership role, or simply taking the initiative in life, we need to get the attention of others throughout our day.

Listen to Me!

The exercise above focused primarily on the physical aspects of grabbing someone’s attention, but in our everyday life we grab others’ attention in all kinds of ways.

We make requests, for example, by speaking or by emails and gestures. We issue instructions or make interventions to make something happen or prevent something else from happening.

“The key aim is to get the other person to notice – to hear our request, for example, and to respond.”

This can be anything from asking our manager for a conversation, to calling out to stop a child from running out in front of a car, to bringing a staff member’s attention to some concern about their performance, or even when leading someone in tango.

Of course, the key aim is to get the other person to notice – to hear our request, for example, and to respond. This requires calibration.

Calibrating Your Technique

Make the grab too little and the other person might not even notice that we are trying to communicate with them – our requests go unnoticed; they don’t hear us; or, if they do hear us, they may not take us seriously. Make the grab too much, on the other hand, and we could alienate or overwhelm them or we might be dismissed as “too aggressive.”

We all tend to have a default style when it comes to trying to get someone else’s attention; we need to learn how to adapt to each situation in order to make the desired impact – there is no “one size fits all”.

Each situation, each conversation, requires a different approach.

“In any relationship, whether personal or professional, there is an ongoing need to calibrate, according to the situation, according to the context.”

How, for example, do you get the attention of your colleague to ask for their help on a project, or of your teenage child who’s ignoring your requests for help in the house, or of your team to address a crisis at work, or of someone you want to invite to a dinner date?

In each of those situations, it’s clear that there are different strengths of approaches needed. Not only that, but in any relationship, whether personal or professional, there is an ongoing need to calibrate, according to the situation, according to the context.

What worked today with your boss might not work tomorrow, for example. You might greet a friend with enthusiasm, only to notice her crest-fallen face, and need to adapt your approach.

Using Intuition to Dance

A way to look at this is to see each step in each conversation as an opportunity to calibrate, to be present to the question, “How little is too little, and how much is too much?”—not in a mechanical way, but more in the sense of being present to the conversation and to the other person, so that you are able to “dance” with them and “know” the right level of approach at an almost intuitive level.

Tango Dancers, Aboodi Shabi, Goaly Blog

Like anything else – like the tango, for example – at the beginning this may feel mechanical until we are more practiced in it.

Center Yourself, Find Your Balance

One of the ways to support this practice is by centering. When we come from a centered place, it’s much easier for calibrate and know how little or how much is needed, rather than just operating from our default style, or from our eagerness to get the point across or our concerns that we won’t be listened to.

Here are some reflections that might help you explore this for yourself:

    • What is your default tendency? What impact does this have on others – do you find people backing away? Not hearing you? Responding?

 

    • What conversations have you had recently where you might have been “too much” or “too little?” What was the cost to you or to the other person?

 

    • What conversations do you need to have this week? How can you make yourself more available for connection by centering and calibration?

 

There is nothing to “get right,” only consistent practice and learning about yourself and about how you show up in your business or personal relationships, consistently checking in whether you are being too little or too much in each interaction in the conversation.

© Aboodi Shabi – 2015
aboodi@aboodishabi.com – www.aboodishabi.com

Carole Ann Rice, Goaly Blog

Coaching is a calling

This week we talked with Carole Ann Rice, an author, life coach and life coach trainer. Carole gave us a great post about why she started a coaching academy, so we’ve decided to post in our the Goaly blog. Enjoy!

 

When I stand up at networking events as my icebreaker I introduce myself thus –“Hello I’m Carole Ann Rice and I’m a life coach and journalist – but don’t let that put you off”. And then I pause for the laughter.

The reason I say this humorously apologetic line is that announcing you are a life coach is often a cue for sighs and groans: “Oh no, not another one.”

Life Coaching: An Ubiquitous Profession

Life coaches are everywhere. We are legion.  You can’t move for them. And many are giving us pukka ones a bad name.

But being trained well and having a professional approach and a commercial take on building a successful business, you can be considered an expert and respected as a person of inspiration and powerful life changing abilities. A bit like Harry Potter only without the wand and more magical.

But being trained well and having a professional approach and a commercial take on building a successful business, you can be considered an expert and respected as a person of inspiration and powerful life changing abilities. 

I have made a great living from being a coach and I equally want to see other coaches enjoying success as professionals. But having coached countless coaches over the years, I am dismayed how ill-equipped they are to set up a busy, abundant practice as well as appearing to have huge holes missing in their training. This is a scary prospect. We’re dealing with people’s lives.

Which is why I wanted to start my own coaching academy.  But more of that later.

Carole Ann’s Coaching Genesis

I trained to become a coach some 12 years ago.  Having been made redundant from the newspaper I wrote for, I hired a coach after reading about these astonishing new phenomena in a magazine. I wanted my coach to help support me as I made my way as a freelance writer

Carole Ann Rice, Goaly Blog

My coach Suzy was a wonder. She supported me, stretched me, challenged me, showed sympathy when needed and a kick up the butt when I went into “poor me” mode. I was a tricky client, a nightmare actually, but I was hooked and became boringly evangelical.  To me coaching made me feel the sky’s the limit.   I still do.

“My coach Suzy was a wonder. She supported me, stretched me, challenged me, showed sympathy when needed and a kick up the butt when I went into ‘poor me’ mode.”

Most of all though I felt truly “got” and Suzy believed in me, so much so that she suggested I retrain and become a coach and work as one of her associates.

Training to Transform

This was singularly the best offer and career choice I’ve ever made.  So with the rest of my redundancy money (about £3000 12 years ago),  I took a two-year course with CoachU; one of the world’s most respected coaching universities and worked my way through around 40 modules (it may have  been more – it was a long time ago).

These modules were conducted via telephone. On American time, we had to phone in to tutor groups and learn in tele-classrooms full of international students from the four corners of the world.  Sometimes it meant competing 4 x 1 hour modules at 2 a.m. with a head full of flu and two under-5 children upstairs and other ungodly hours to fit in with U.S. time zones, but diligently I plowed through.

Coaches are allies and unlike any other profession we can support and work with our competition to build strong practices and mutually beneficial business strands and referrals.

Graduating 12 years ago I have maintained very close connection with two “buddy” coaches I studied with (one of whom I went into business with) and both have become good friends.  Coaches are allies and unlike any other profession we can support and work with our competition to build strong practices and mutually beneficial business strands and referrals.

It was tough getting clients at first and I made a lot of expensive mistakes on the wrong marketing and business services which didn’t really pay off. Then I found what worked for me – press coverage, social media, workshops, networking, mastering public speaking, writing books and creating different programmes. These were sure-fire ways of building a full practice.

The Real Coaching Company: Changing Lives

Over the past 12 years with my Real Coaching Company, I’ve had the privilege to coach scientists, writers, journalists, international CEO’s, actors, dancers, academics, students, entrepreneurs, business start ups, mums, lap dancers and athletes along with ordinary folk stuck at a life crossroads.

My corporate clients have included the London School of Economics, Play England, National Children’s Bureau, Visa, hedge fund banks and several advertising agencies including McCann Erikson.

Carole Ann Rice, Goaly Blog

I have been featured in The Sunday Times, The Independent on Sunday and  Metro News as well as all the fashion glossies and am the only coach in the UK to enjoy a weekly column in a national daily paper – Happy Monday, which features weekly in the Daily Express.

Pure Coaching Academy: Creating Coaches

They say to become a real expert you need to do 10,000 hours of anything and I think I am probably there now and have a sort of instinctual knowledge of what works with clients and how to see beneath the superficial.

I knew I could share my accrued knowledge and experience in a real and practical way and decided to form the Pure Coaching Academy.  I want people to view coaches with awe and respect and see us as professional heavy weights up there with lawyers; not dippy do-gooders or kindly hobbyists come buddies.

“I want people to view coaches with awe and respect and see us as professional heavy weights up there with lawyers; not dippy do-gooders or kindly hobbyists come buddies.”

One of the unsung joys of being a coach is that you grow and develop yourself, jump through your own limitations and see the infinite potential of the human condition. I wouldn’t ask my own clients to do anything I wouldn’t do or haven’t done myself so over the years I have expanded my own personal development and enjoy the on-going journey.  All coaches should.

Pure Coaching Academy with Carole Ann rice from Charlotte Armitage on Vimeo.

Being a life coach puts you on a path of meaning and purpose and you make a real difference as a catalyst of change.  Being a life coach and helping others is a privilege.

You need a good solid training to be become a coach and I have collated some of the most common of the human conditions and issues that keep us stuck and found real tools to help clients move on.

This is what I have distilled down into the modules of my Pure Coaching Academy:

  • People-pleasing
  • Low self-esteem
  • Procrastination
  • Negative belief systems
  • Extreme self care

  • Silencing the inner critic
  • Compelling goal setting
  • Finding your spiritual compass
  • Living in your values
  • Being “need” free
  • The myriad of fear-based behaviours which create life obstacles

Pure Coaching Academy has been designed to short cut coaches to success by sharing tools that I know really and truly work for both client and coach.

At PCA we will help develop the coach’s confidence with role play and real coaching and to build a community of on-going support , training and professional excellence thereafter.  There are no ongoing brain crushing essays to tick academic boxes.

“Being a life coach puts you on a path of meaning and purpose and you make a real difference as a catalyst of change.”

Great coaches don’t need to write dissertations. They need to be armed with ninja coaching tools, empathy, courage compassion and deep understanding of their clients.  Along with great entrepreneurial skills too.  I teach my students this too.

Our coaches will also receive a “coaching bible” which is the ultimate coach’s desktop companion which follows each module direct to your inbox and offers laser coaching questions, a “How To” guide to identify the real issue behind the superficial one and suggested directions and homework ideas for clients.  This will prove to be an invaluable tool. My students love it.

The course is one day a week for 8 weeks (Saturdays 10 a.m.-3 p.m.) plus a one hour teleclass mid-week.  It is highly experiential, the students physically and psychologically go through all the materials and we have real coaching session with real clients too.

Great coaches don’t need to write dissertations. They need to be armed with ninja coaching tools, empathy, courage compassion and deep understanding of their clients.  

At the moment life coaching and coaching schools are pretty unregulated and there appears to be a diverse body of self-appointed authorities creating guidelines and accreditation.

Some involve building up a coaching log of hours while others stipulate coaching principles which differentiate it between psychotherapeutic practices and other practices.

Pure Coaching Academy: Solid Training

I’ll admit I have struggled with these “official” accreditations and have, for now, decided that PCA is, as it says, purely about sharing the very best coaching tools and practices and the real methodology in building an affluent business and mindset needed to do just that.  But accreditation is in the pipeline and all of my past graduates will have access to this standard.

In the 12 years I have been a coach, coaching at academic institutions such as the LSE and Westminster and being a coach has seen me featured in the press, presenting and judging the Angel Film Awards in Monaco, regularly appearing on TV and radio and recently featured in Sky Living Who’d Be A Billionaire series.

I’ve even written two books: “Find Your Dream Job” and “Start Your Dream Business” with Sarah Wade.

Carole Ann Rice, Goaly Blog

I have coached highly accredited  coaches who continue to seek more bits of paper, diplomas and notifications for their education and struggle to get more than two clients in one year.  Often they end up returning to their previous employment.

As a graduate from PCA, we will ensure our coaches are fully equipped and feel ready to take on the awesome task of enabling their clients to reach their goals.

We will support them and encourage them to be at their best and offer ongoing support, meet up groups and further learning.

As a graduate from PCA, we will ensure our coaches are fully equipped and feel ready to take on the awesome task of enabling their clients to reach their goals. 

Since becoming a coach I have never looked back. Happier, hopeful and more inspired than I’ve ever been I know coaching is a life changer.  You probably are already the go-to guy or gal people flock to for advice and counsel.   Why not train well and make a living from that gift?

Be a legend in your own lifetime and live your own legacy. How amazing is that?

Join us www.purecoachingacademy.com for more details. The next course will take place 19th September 2015.

 

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Stressed Person, Ali Campbell, Goaly Blog

The Bubble is About to Burst …

The latest statistics about stress are … stressful.

The American Institute of Stress recently posted an infographic that showed a clear pictures of the frightful consequences of stress:

  • 3 out of 4 doctor’s visits are for stress-related ailments
  • Stress is the basic cause of 60% of all human illness and disease
  • 40% of stressed people overeat or eat unhealthy foods
  • Stress costs the United States $300 billion every year
  • 44% of people lose sleep every night because of stress

These numbers are pretty scary. So, we talked with celebrity life coach and bestselling author Ali Campbell to discover five ways you can reduce your stress levels.

1. Stress is a Warning….Listen!

It’s easy to get caught up in thinking stress is just a side effect of a busy schedule. We push through our stress like it was a wall, or we leap over it like it was a hurdle. This is a dangerous mindset, Campbell said. Stress isn’t just a wall to run through or a hurdle to hop.

“Stress is not a problem – it’s the way your mind and your body tells you need to do something different.”

“Stress is not a problem – it’s the way your mind and your body tells you need to do something different,” he said. “Your brain and you body are trying to tell you stop.”

2. Separate What Stresses You From Your Thoughts About What Stresses You

Have you ever taken a moment to analyze what causes you to be stressed out by a particular situation or person? In many cases, it’s your thoughts about that situation or person and not the thing itself which are the source of your stress.

 

Thinking Girl, Ali Campbell, Goaly Blog

“The things that are stressing you aren’t in and of themselves inherently scary, it’s our thoughts about those things that make them scary,” Campbell said.

Write down two lists: one that has the things that stress you out, and one that has the thoughts you have about those things.

“I think you’ll find that you aren’t stressed by what you think you’re being stressed by, you’re being stressed by what you think about what you’re being stressed by,” he said.

3. Take Your Hands Off the Stick!

One of the things that makes us most stressed out is our lack of ability to control situations which are completely out of our control.

Campbell told us a story of a young pilot who was learning how to fly. During a solo flight, winds were knocking his little plane about. He frantically swung the flight control stick back and forth trying to control the vessel.

The air traffic controllers told him to let go of the stick – the plane had it’s own self-correcting mechanism that would help it navigating the swirling winds.

“Use stress as a signal to know it’s your time to let go of the stick, to trust that everything is going to be okay.”

“We have our own inner gyroscope, our own self-correcting mechanism. And often when we feel ourselves in a sense of stress, we’re not going to control our way out of it,” Campbell said. “It’s time to know how to use stress as a signal to know it’s your time to let go of the stick, to trust that everything is going to be okay.”

4. Take Your Emotional Temperature

Most of us are very aware of how we feel but very unaware of how we think. When you’re trying to understand how to reduce stress in your life, take note of how something makes you feel.

Though it sounds simple, Campbell said, it’s a key strategy because your feelings are based on your thoughts. Gauge your emotions and you’ll begin to get a more clear picture of your thoughts.

“Most of us are very aware of our feelings and not so aware of our thoughts.”

“Most of us are very aware of our feelings and not so aware of our thoughts,” he said. “Use your feelings as a barometer of your thoughts. If you have bad feelings, you must be doing some bad thinking.”

5. Stop, Step Back and Do Something That Makes You Feel Good

When life ratchets up the stress and we feel the pressure descending on us as we try to make a tough decision, it’s time to stop.

The harder you try to figure out a stressful problem while you’re feeling stressed, the less like it is that you’re going to come up with a good solution.

“Go do something that makes you feel good, and then from that place of feeling good, come back and have a look at the problem.”

“The more urgent something feels, the less you should be deciding, the less equipped you are to make good choices, and the more you need to step back, take your hands of the stick and let everything get quiet,” Campbell said. “Go do something that makes you feel good, and then from that place of feeling good, come back and have a look at the problem. It’s all going to be very different.

More Ways To Reduce Stress in Your Life

Ali Campbell’s Goaly strategy for reducing stress is called “How to Live a Stress-Free Life!”. The series includes eight free videos that will help you step back from your life and help you cope with and eliminate stress in your life

In the meantime, check out his introductory video to his step-by-step strategy, “How to Live a Stress-Free Life!”.

Tired Girl, Tips for Getting Unstuck, Goaly Blog

Goodbye Rut, Hello New Reality!

“I feel stuck.”

It’s something we hear a lot from our colleagues, people who visit Goaly and from ourselves from time to time.

Providing a technical definition for stuckness is difficult. In simple terms, it refers to those moments or seasons in life where we feel like we can’t make any progress – no forward movement – no matter how much we want it.

Most of the time we aren’t aware of the forces amid our stuckness which are keeping us chained to one spot.

We turned to some amazing coaches to talk to us about what causes us to be stuck and how we can break free from our limitations and move forward.

We’re Ruled by the Terrible F.M.B.

The problem
Forbes columnist, leadership trainer and  career coach Kathy Caprino says many of us are stuck in one certain spot in life because we’re ruled by fears, mindsets and behaviors (FMB) we’ve developed over the years.

“We don’t realize that these fears, mindsets and behaviors not only hold us back, but they actually co-create and attract what’s happening in our lives,” Caprino told us.

The Solution
Getting out of this FMB dominion is a matter of taking ourselves to the next level of thought, a level where we have control over what we do and who we want to be.

“It’s only when we shift internally and empower ourselves to think, act and believe at a higher level can the outer changes we long for become a reality.”

“It’s only when we shift internally and empower ourselves to think, act and believe at a higher level can the outer changes we long for most become a reality,” Caprino said. “Einstein said, ‘A problem can’t be solved on the level of consciousness that created it.’ Truth!”

We Love Our Internal Auto-Pilot Setting

The Problem
Dating coach Julie Ferman
pointed out we have a knack for falling into a routine of behavior that becomes our way of life not because it’s best, but because it’s easiest.

“We tend to keep doing things the same way. We get stuck in ruts, patterns of thought and behavior, and it’s uncomfortable to do something new and different,” Ferman said. “It’s ‘easier’ to just be on auto-pilot, going about our day’s journey in a way that’s already known.”

The Solution
The best way to break out of our auto-pilot rut, Ferman said, is to make the choice to be courageous and thoughtful.

“It takes courage and commitment to stop, think, and act or behave in a new way by choice as opposed to instinct or pattern,” she said.

“We honor our humanity by stepping into that place of courage and commitment, initiating a new reality for ourselves.”

In fact, choosing to break out of our auto-pilot actions and embrace a new life is one of the unique things which makes us human.

“As humans we have the ability to choose… and that’s what’s uniquely special about being human,” she said. “We honor our humanity by stepping into that place of courage and commitment, initiating a new reality for ourselves.”

Happy Girl, Overcoming Our Ruts
Change is possible through courage and commitment…

We Don’t Think We Can Change

The Problem
Aboodi Shabi, one of the United Kingdom’s leading leadership developers and transformation coaches
, told us many of his clients don’t truly believe they can change.

They get so accustomed to living their life according to their habits — both good and bad — they don’t realize they are capable of changing themselves and leaping out of their rut and into a new reality.

“We can fall into believing that we can’t really change who we are.”

The solution
Identifying the the thoughts which underpin our belief that we can’t change is a key to getting unstuck.

“We can … fall into believing that we can’t really change who we are,” he said. “If we don’t address the your core beliefs and interpretations, then new learning isn’t likely to stick.”

Reaching Back in Time

The Problem
Leading financial coach Michelle Tascoe
said many of us live our lives a certain way based on our tendency to look to previous events in our life for answers about what to do in the present.

“People get stuck in a pattern when they look to the past/experience for answers,” she said. “By doing this they get more of the past and never create a new future.”

When you’re stuck looking to the past for what you want, you tend to lose sight of what you truly desire in the present.

The Solution
Tascoe told us the key to making a change in your life is to know what you want and to desire a transformation.

“Just wanting to change isn’t enough. If you don’t know where you want to go you’ll never get there.”

“I am shocked by how many of my clients initially don’t really know what they want,” Tascoe said. “There is a saying that people perish for lack of vision. Just wanting to change isn’t enough. If you don’t know where you want to go you’ll never get there.”

Caught in Core Beliefs

The Problem
“Human beings get ‘stuck’ in particular habits of being when our core beliefs – about ourselves, about other people, and about the world itself – are inconsistent with the results we desire to achieve,” certified Law of Attraction coach and life coach trainer Christy Whitman told us.

For instance, she said, if you believe that you are inadequate, that belief becomes a filter through which you interpret everything that happens.

The Solution
Most of the time, that filter will reinforce your belief you are inadequate. If you wan’t to break out of the life you’ve been living, you’ll need to expose these beliefs.

“By bringing these hidden beliefs to the light and taking actions that challenge their validity we shift our consciousness and later our reality.”

“By bringing these hidden beliefs to the light and taking actions that challenge their validity,” Whitman said, “we shift our consciousness and alter our reality.”

If you want to know more about Christy’s introductory video for Goaly: