Happiness

Goaly was so happy to have the amazing Terri Cole right here, in Copenhagen!  Her talk was dedicated to our well known “frenemy” : fear.

Terri is now launching a 4 week program with experts as Marie Forleo, Danielle Leporte, Gabrielle Bernstein, Meggan Watterson, Kate Northrup among many other A-listers.  Check out her course right here

The event & Photoshoot:

Around 50 female CEO`s and bloggers participated at the event, and we were so inspired by stories around the table from the world´s happiest country – Denmark!

After filming and planning, we did a photo shoot with the top Scandinavian Photographer Fred Jonny.

 

Photo Shoot The Scandinavian Way..
Photo Shoot The Scandinavian Way..

Working with him, was a great honor! From shooting the top brands and fashion magazines, he took the trip over to capture the true beauty of one of the world´s leading therapist and life coaches. After the shoot we went directly to the event place @ CharlottenBorg Cafe. Terri had exactly 5 minutes to prepare, after working on tour with one of her A-list clients for a month – we thought she liked a hectic schedule :)

Charlottenborg Cafe

 

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We were so blessed connecting with Denmark´s leading jewelry maker Mads Heindorf. In his store, we picked out jewelry that was hand made and a perfect fit for out theme. With a jewelry guard at our side, we shot photos at Copenhagen’s best locations, fighting rain and wind.

- Luckily our experienced Photographer and assistant knew how to make the best out of the situation!

Tiny Sneak peak of photoshoot
Tiny Sneak peak of photoshoot – with Mads Heindorf jewlery.

Our favorite pick from his collection was the meditating buddha with 10 sapphires and diamonds… ( Visit his store here if you feel like updating your jewelry collecting and insurance policy! )

Another surprise for our event, was Denmark´s green genius Eric Florent. From the same location (If you want to visit and take a look at flower walls and sun cell driven flower decorations! )

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During his many travels around the globe, he observed and collected a variety of species from different environments – and created installations that is perfectly suited to our interior! The big “buzz” was the 3-meter tall “flower walls” that watered themselves, and the eco-friendly glasses that was powered by the sun and gave a beautiful lighting effect at the flowers at night!

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A big thanks to http://karmameju.com/ for providing some amazing Goodie-bags for Terri - and pure organic oils for the audience! 

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Thank you to all helpers during the event, and a special thanks to Fred Jonny´s assistant, Sarah (Our beloved DOP) Mell and our stylist for the day And any other day) Yunah! 

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Road, Arvind Devalia, Goaly Blog

Overcoming the Pain…

Trauma is something nearly universal to humanity.

We talk a lot about trauma on Goaly because, as we gathered the step-by-step strategies from our coaches, we realized many of them had to deal with some level of trauma in their life before creating their successful coaching pracitces.

Trauma is something nearly universal to humanity.

What fascinates us most about these stories is the redemption involved in the trauma. How did they overcome the devastation they experienced? What mentality did they have in order to overcome?

We recently talked about trauma with Arvind Devalia, founder of Make It Happen, author of the Amazon bestselling book “Get The Live You Love” and writer behind the Make It Happen blog.

What, in your opinion, is the factor in a person’s life that makes them able to cope with trauma better than others?

Everyone is different and has different ways of coping with stress and trauma. Some people are just able to switch off as if nothing has happened, whereas others go to pieces.

A number of factors can make a difference here – such as past experiences of life, cultural and family background, spiritual beliefs and personality.

Man, Triumph, Arvind Devalia, Goaly Blog

Having a strong family-and-friends support network is a key factor — the person suffering knows he or she is not on his own and can fall back on the love and support from those close to him or her.

Sharing your feelings and thoughts with your loved ones will really help.

Share with us a traumatic moment you experienced. How did you overcome it?

Many years ago I had a number of life changes happen to me in one concentrated season of life.

The dot com start-up I was involved in with some friends ran out of cash and went bust, and at about the same time my wife and I separated. Also, the apartment I was living in was coming to the end of its rental agreement.

“It felt like I had lost everything I had strived to build in my life.”

The day my wife and I separated was the most traumatic experience in my life up until that point. It felt like I had lost everything I had strived to build in my life.

What helped me cope that evening was this: I sat down in the apartment which now felt so empty, and reflected on the question, “What’s the worse thing that could happen?” Though my heart felt like it was broken, I still had my faculties, my drive, my intelligence.

In that moment, I told myself  I would get through this and I realised that, logically, the only thing I could do was to focus on getting a new job and a new direction in life.

“I took each day one at a time and I slowly got my life back together again, day by day.”

And that’s what I did – I got myself a new job within weeks and was soon living in a new rented apartment. I took each day one at a time and I slowly got my life back together again, day by day. Those days soon became months and years -and the rest is history.

What are three things people need to remember as they work through a traumatic experience?
  • Ask yourself, “What’s the worse thing that could happen from here on?” Focus on things improving and remember that things are never as bad as they may appear.
  • People around you are willing to help – just ask for help and let them support you.
  • Take great self-care and remember to sleep and eat as well as possible – your body needs optimal support at this time.
What are three benefits of addressing trauma and attempting to work through it?
  • You grow and it makes you a better person.
  • You realize just how resourceful and clever you really are.
  • Your experience gives you new perspectives on life – and stops you from worrying about things you can’t control.

 

Sunglasses, Summer Weight Loss, Goaly Blog

Skinny is Better Than Sex

Chances are you’d give up sex this summer to make sure you don’t gain 10 pounds.

According to weight-loss experts Nutrisystem, 52 percent of women in America would drop sex to avoid gaining a 10-spot.

With summer fast approaching, our waistlines are giving us that menacing stare that makes us want to stop eating altogether in order to slim down for our next trip to the beach.

There’s no way were going to give up food for the summer, but Nutrisystem says there’s a lot of other things (including sex) to which we’d say “Adios” if we had the chance to get a flat tummy:

  • The majority of Americans said they think they need to lose 23 pounds in order to feel sexy.
  • One in four men would give up sex for the summer if they could avoid gaining 10 pounds.
  • More Americans would prefer to shed 10 to 20 pounds this summer than get promoted at work
  • About three out of four Americans are willing to give up television, their cell phones or their computers for a  flat tummy

The Secret To Success: 4 Life Coaches Offer Awesome Insight

Finding the motivation to shed pounds is easy enough — we want to feel amazing when we strip down and dig our toes into the sand.

However, Nutrisystem says that as much as we want to lose weight, many of us are just too stubborn. We don’t want to give up the pound-producing foods that add inches to our waists.

Measure, Summer Weight Loss, Goaly Blog

Now before you whip out the tape measure and read those fateful numbers, take step back from your pre-summer enthusiasm and make a plan of attack which includes the advice of some of the best life coaches in the business.

4 Ways to Make Your Summer Weight Loss Plan a Success

1. One Change at a Time

Julie Ferman, a popular dating coach in Los Angeles, said the key to keep the weight off this summer is to narrow down your strategies to a single, focused objective.

“Pick ONE THING that you are wanting to change and that you are willing to change,” Ferman said, “and just DO IT.”

She gave us four great examples of single goals you can start doing today:

  • Work out: Thirty minutes of exercise that you’re currently not doing
  • No booze or sweets: Eliminating be eliminating alcohol or sugar six days a week
  • Adios to late-night snacks: No eating after 7 p.m.
  • Go healty: Change the nature of your snacks

2. Make the Trade

Financial coach Michelle Tascoe is an expert in numbers and investment. Her dollar sense carries over pretty easily to the weight loss world: sometimes it’s better to cut out the short-term profits for the long-term wealth.

“How you do anything is how you do everything,” Tascoe said. “What are the short-term gratifications that you can trade for long-term success?”

Snacking, Summer Weight Loss, Goaly Blog

Yes — if you want to look good this summer you’re going to have to give up the glorious short-term deliciousness of, for example, McDonald’s, six packs of Sierra Nevada, all those amazing pastries you devour for breakfast and hallowed halls of your favorite neighborhood pizzeria.

Of course, these aren’t the only short-term gratifications you have to give up. Each person is an individual. For you, your short-term mistress may be the bag of Skittles you have stashed in your desk at work or the growler of IPA tucked away in the back of the fridge in your man cave.

If you want long-term change, you’ll have to start making some hard choices about your short-term habits.

3. Feel It Out

For New York Times bestselling author and Law of Attraction coach Christy Whitman, succeeding with summer weight loss doesn’t start with a waist measurement, I-will-abstain-from-chocolate pronouncement or a Facebook post promising all your friends you’re going to be OMG-skinny! by July.

“Focus on how you want to feel in your body. Spend as much concentrated time as you can basking in this feeling.”

“Focus on how you want to feel in your body,” Whtiman said. “Spend as much concentrated time as you can basking in this feeling.”

As you let this feeling encapsulate you, you’ll be empowered to change the way you approach you goal.

“Allow this feeling to become dominant in your energy field,” she said, “and soon it will influence your thoughts, your beliefs, and your choices.”

4. See the New You

Big changes rarely come without thinking big.

If you’ve become trapped in a self-image in which you can’t see beyond who you are in the moment, it will be very difficult to reach the goals you want for the summer. You have to see the possibility of a trimmer body and believe you can change your reality in order to get there, said Lisa Read, a U.K. parenting coach.

Walking on Beach, Summer Weight Loss, Goaly Blog

“In my experience, people tend to live up to their own self-image, meaning that if they see themselves as overweight and unable to change that, this is the result they’ll get,” Read said. “If this is the case, the first step is to work on creating a new self-image, by visualising what you want and imagining it has already happened.”

Once you’ve seen the new future you, you can put together a compelling plan for success. But not without asking yourself the hard questions first, Read said:

  • What makes you think you want to lose weight?
  • How determined are you to make a change?
  • How much do you really believe it is possible for you to lose weight?

Adding to You Summer Weight Loss Plan

Losing weight, sticking with your goals and succeeded in areas where you normally fail are the realm of self-development. Each of the coaches who helped us with this article have years of wisdom, experience and expertise to share with you.

Take a look at the videos below to get to know them a little better!

Christy Whitman

Lisa Read

Michelle Tascoe

Julie Ferman

Woman on Cliff, Arvind Devalia, Goaly Blog

Fear is that powerful menace which haunts many of us from the time we are children to the moment of our last breath.

For life coach, psychotherapist and strategist Terri Cole, however, fear isn’t as terrifying as you’d think. Through a few simple, serious steps, you can start to dismantle the walls of fear which have been confining you.

Taking the Terror Out of Fear

1. Fear is just a feeling

We’ve been lulled into believing fear is more than just a feeling.

However, it’s just that: a feeling, an emotion. In the same way that you can be happy, sad, joyous or contemplative, you can be afraid.

“Fear is just like every other emotion, but somehow, in this world, it’s gotten this elevated status,” Cole said. “Start thinking about fear as you would other feelings. You have the power to change the way that you feel.”

“If fear is just a feeling, you have the power to change it.”

Recognizing that fear is just an emotion is a very good thing, Cole said, because it opens you up to be able to control your fears as you would other emotions.

“Imagine that fear is just a feeling and not a fact, how would your life change,” Cole asked. “Unless you live in an active war zone, 98% of the time the fear that you are feeling is just a feeling. If fear is just a feeling, you have the power to change it.”

2. Create a sacred space

Think of the first step in conquering fear — that fear is just a feeling — as the tool you’ll use to start working on your relationship with fear.

You’ll need a workshop to get the work done, and that’s where a “zen den” comes into play.

“This is a sacred space in your home where you can do the work we’re talking about, where you can meditate, to think and to expand,” Cole said.

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Decorate your space with calming accents which inspire you, whether they’re candles, pictures of loved ones or leaves and flowers.

“All you want for a zen den is a place for you to take a nice, deep breath and exhale,” Cole said. “This is going to be a place to meditate because this work is best done in a space where you can create some stillness and silence internally.”

3. Relax

Your zen den is the workshop where your work will get done.

In order to get that work started, you’ll need to be relaxed. Calm. Focused. Centered. Getting to that point is a difficult one. For many — Cole included – a state of relaxation is best achieved through mediation.

“You need to have an open mind to see what it is you need to see.”

Once you reach this meditative, relaxed state, you’ll be ready to ask some hard questions in the next tip.

“You need to have an open mind to see what it is you need to see,” Cole aid.

4. Ask Yourself the Hard Questions

“I hope that you’re sitting in your sacred space so that you feel expansive and you’re brave enough to look the real answers for you so you will be able to decode your relationship to fear,” Cole said.

Questions about your family of origin are a key element in confronting your fears and getting to the root of their power over you.

Many times, Cole said, the influence of fear on your life is a direct result of the environment you grew up in. Terri’s “Conquer Your Fears and Find True Freedom” free video strategy explores this environment with a series of probing questions.

We’ve included three of those questions here:

  • What was your family’s relationship to fear? Was there a lot of superstitions? How was your family origin when it came to fear?
  • What was your parents’ view of the world? Did they see it as a generous benevolent place or did they see it as a scary place?
  • Did your parents suffer in their own relationship to their own fear? Did they have anxiety, difficulty sleep or were they always afraid something was going to happen to you?

Bidding Farewell to Fear

As we said before, Terri Cole’s “Conquer Your Fears and Find True Freedom” free video strategy is a tremendous resource for your self-exploration and personal development. Her video also includes a fantastic meditation exercise. Check it out!

In the meantime, you take a look at Terri’s introductory video for her free series on fear:

Sunset on the Beach, Tricia Huffman, Goaly Blog

Live Your Life. Love Your Life…

There’s a lot of joy to be had in this world.

Life coach and Joylogy founder Tricia Huffman is on a mission to help her clients find it.

Huffman started her career as a sound engineer in the music industry, which led her to making connections with many big-name musicians who eventually were inspired and encouraged by Tricia’s coaching.

“I was working with some of my idols — Grammy Award winners — and  got to see first-hand that even these people who, from the outside look like they have it all, still need inspiration,” Huffman said.

We asked her a series of questions  that we’ve asked many of the phenomenal coaches who’ve worked with us and who offer step-by-step strategies on our site. One of Tricia’s most interesting responses came when we asked her about why people need a life coach.

1. Life Coaches Help You See What You Can’t See

When you want to dream big, your life coach will help you get out of the way so you can head down the road to personal development, growth and the embracing of the life you desire.

A life coach is like a new set of eyes to “help you see what you are not able to see in yourself and for yourself,” Huffman said.

“A life coach is like a new set of eyes to “help you see what you are not able to see in yourself and for yourself.” 

As Tricia Huffman’s fellow coaching experts have pointed out on the Goaly blog, sometimes the work of the coach — joyologist, in this case —  involves helping the client rediscover who they’ve been all along.

Girls, Tricia Huffman, Goaly Blog

 

2. Life Coaches Give an Unbiased View of Your Life

Having a new set of eyes around will be painful but productive — your coach will help you “to have an unbiased, fresh view on yourself and what you are going through and want for your life,” Huffman said.

“Life coaches are going to give you objective advice that you probably won’t get from friends or loved ones who may be afraid to tell you the hard truths

Coaches are professionals, which means when you ask them to come into your life and help you become the person you want to become, they’re going to give you objective advice that you probably won’t get from friends or loved ones who may be afraid to tell you the hard truths.

In fact, Huffman said, that’s part of her coaching style: “I tell it like it is, but I have a heart of gold.”

3. Life Coaches Help You Get Out of Your Own Way

Once you and your coach analyze your life and your desires for your future, you’ll be able to craft a plan together which will help you realize your potential.

Somewhere in that process of formulating a plan, you’re going to need a solid shove from your life coach and your own soul, one that will help you “get out of you own way and really go for the life you dream of.”

“I want for all of us in this world to truly live each day and truly love each day.”

“I want for all of us in this world to truly live each day and truly love each day,” Huffman says on her coaching site. “This world has so much to offer us, day in and day out, no matter where you are or who you are.”

Make This Life Yours

If you like what Tricia Huffman has to say about life, coaching and joy, you can read more about her background and philosophy on her Goaly profile page.

In the meantime, check out her introductory video on Goaly:

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Smiling Girl, Michael Neill, Goaly Blog

Finding the diamond….

Happiness is on the decline in the Western world.

According to the 2013 World Happiness Report, the 25 countries which saw the greatest decrease in overall happiness from 2005 to 2012 were littered with wealthy, modern countries: Belgium, the United States, Finland, Japan, Portugal, Italy and Spain.

In fact, only four European countries were in the top-15 increases in happiness, while North America had zero countries in the top-15.

Zero.

Most of us are losing sight of happiness, no matter how much wealth or modernity we have. But don’t worry, said Supercoach founder and bestselling coach Michael Neill – happiness is a natural component of your life and you can find it.

Neill shared with us four important points you need to remember as you try and find the happiness you’ve been missing.

1. You Were Born Happy

Many times we get caught up in the idea that happiness is an entity which exists outside of ourselves and we have to search for it as one would search for a treasure. That simply isn’t the truth, Neill told us – the happiness you want already exists in you and around you.

“We were born happy. As a baby, I can guarantee you didn’t need therapy.”

“We were born happy. As a baby, I can guarantee you didn’t need therapy,” Neill said. “When you cried it’s because your needed changing or you needed food. It wasn’t because you were worried about tomorrow or you were worried about yesterday.”

2. We Don’t “Lose” Happiness

Happiness isn’t like your car keys or a credit card: you can’t magically lose it forever. Because it’s something innate in us, we can find it even though we feel like we’ve lost so much of it that we can never return to it again.

Smiling Woman, Michael Neill, Goaly Blog

“Happiness isn’t something you have to go out and create, it isn’t something you can lose, it isn’t something you can get. It’s who you are. It’s as much a part of you as the nose on your face,” Neill said. “When you start to see that, you can relax into that.”

“Happiness isn’t something you have to go out and create, it isn’t something you can lose, it isn’t something you can get. It’s who you are.”

It doesn’t matter how far gone we think our happiness is.

“No matter how long you’ve lost sight of your happiness, you’re never one thought away from becoming aware of it again,” Neill said. “And not matter how long it’s been since you felt happy, you’re really no more than one thought away from relaxing back into that true nature, into that happiness and into who you really are. “

3. We Obscure Our Happiness

Have you ever tried to encase a diamond in horse poop? That’s how Neill describes what we do over time to our natural happiness.

“Imagine that the very heart of who you are is a perfect diamond and it shines,” Neill said. “Over time, imagine that diamond gets covered over with horse crap – the thinking and ideas about ourselves starts accumulating on top of the diamond and it obscures the diamond and you can’t see that, at the core, there’s this beautiful, perfect shiny thing.”

We’re petrified of the crap, Neill said, so we do our best to cover up our stink.

“We don’t want to walk around smelling like horse crap, so we take nail varnish and we coat the horse-crap covered diamond and we make it look pretty and that’s our personality,” he said. “But that’s all the coating we put around so people won’t notice the horse crap that we start to think is who we we really are.”

4. The Diamond Remains

Our true happiness remains beneath all our efforts to try and cover up our shortcomings and our flaws. Gaining the happiness we desire isn’t a matter of digging into some deep place to find the treasure of joy; it’s a matter of embracing our true self.

“The diamond of your essence, who you really are, the you that was born happy, is still there,” Neill said. “It’s still perfect and still as good as new as the day you were born.”

Need More Happiness Help?

Neill has plenty of more wisdom about happiness in his free Goaly step-by-step strategy, “How to Find Happiness Right Now”. In addition to his Goaly strategies, Michael Neill is a bestselling author, a speaker at TEDx and has been featured in Vogue  and The Hufffington Post:

Credentials, Michael Neill, Goaly Blog

If you want to know more about Michael, you can check out Goaly’s YouTube channel for his introductory video to his happiness series:

 

 

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Smiling Man, Julie Santiago, Goaly Blog

Happiness isn’t as elusive as it seems….

All of us yearn for happiness, yet most of us have a very difficult time finding it.

How do we get it? What do we have to do? Is it even possible to find it considering what’s happened to me?

We talked with women’s empowerment coach Julie Santiago about happiness hoping to find answers to the questions we all have at one point or another.

She gave us a list of five great tips to get you started on your journey to a more fulfilling life:

1. Claim you’re ready to be happy

“So often we know that something’s off in our lives but we aren’t really sure what it is and we’re afraid to admit it,” Santiago told us.

These moments or seasons of dissonance reveal something important: we’re missing an element of happiness. The good news is, Santiago said, you can find it.

“It’s time to make the claim that you are ready to be happy and you are ready to do something different.”

Start by making the claim that you want to be happy, whether it’s by verbally saying it every morning, writing down on a note card and sticking it to your mirror or saying a daily prayer for happiness.

“If you don’t say it and you don’t claim it it can’t really happen. Whether you repeat it or write it down, it’s time to make the claim that you are ready to be happy and you are ready to do something different,” Santiago said. “When you make this claim or say this prayer or set this intention, everything in the world begins to align to help you you find exactly what you need.”

2. Keep a journal

You’ll discover that keeping a journal is essential to personal development, particularly when it comes to cultivating a life of happiness.

“It’s so important to tune in to what’s actually happening in our lives and our bodies…those things hold the key to our happiness.”

Writing down the way you react to certain events or people you encounter during the day will guide you in your journey to happiness.

“A journal is an indispensable part of keeping track things. It’s so important to tune in to what’s actually happening in our lives and our bodies – when they’re open and when they’re closed,” Santiago said. “Those things hold the key to our happiness.”

3. Write down the things that make you feel alive

Your journey to happiness is a matter of keeping your eyes and your journal open. In the positive sense, it’s essential that you make a note of the activities, relationships and events in your life that make you feel vibrant.

Smile, Julie Santiago, Goaly Blog

 

“Check in with yourself when you’re doing things that make you feel resonant,” Santiago said. “Write down when you feel alive and when you’re resonating with what’s around you when you resonate with what you’re doing and when you feel open and expansive and alive.

4. Write down the things that make you feel closed in or dark

On the other side of the happiness spectrum are the moments in which you feel closed in – when you are feeling disconnected and distant. It’s just as important to make a note of these moments as it is to record the moments which make you feel connected.

“Notice when you feel dissonant, when you’re contracting or feel closed or dark or moody or angry.”

“Write down what makes you feel closed, dissonant or unhappy,” Santiago said. “Notice when you feel dissonant, when you’re contracting or feel closed or dark or moody or angry.”

5. Let go of one of those things that makes you feel closed.

As you open your eyes to the things which affect your mood and outlook, it will become clear that certain things in your life need to go. Saying “No” to the things which make you feel dark or trapped is one of the crucial steps on your journey to happiness.

“In order to bring in more of what you love in your life, you have to first let go to what you don’t love.” 

“In order to bring in more of what you love in your life, you have to first let go to what you don’t love,” Santiago said. “If you’re holding on to these things you’re doing just because you feel like you have to do them and they’re making you feel flat and uninspired then you can’t be given the things you do love in your life.”

Saying “no” to the things which detract from your happiness isn’t only a matter of cutting off the dead parts of your life – “When you let go of something you don’t love, you’re making space for something you do love.”

Want More Happiness?

Julie Santiago’s step-by-step Goaly strategy is titled “Find Happiness and Purpose in 8 Days”. The free 10-session strategy plan is pretty amazing.

Click here to begin your journey to happiness through Julie’s “Find Happiness and Purpose in 8 Days” step-by-step strategy!

Here’s Julie’s introductory video for the “8 Days” strategy:

Tired Girl, Tips for Getting Unstuck, Goaly Blog

Goodbye Rut, Hello New Reality!

“I feel stuck.”

It’s something we hear a lot from our colleagues, people who visit Goaly and from ourselves from time to time.

Providing a technical definition for stuckness is difficult. In simple terms, it refers to those moments or seasons in life where we feel like we can’t make any progress – no forward movement – no matter how much we want it.

Most of the time we aren’t aware of the forces amid our stuckness which are keeping us chained to one spot.

We turned to some amazing coaches to talk to us about what causes us to be stuck and how we can break free from our limitations and move forward.

We’re Ruled by the Terrible F.M.B.

The problem
Forbes columnist, leadership trainer and  career coach Kathy Caprino says many of us are stuck in one certain spot in life because we’re ruled by fears, mindsets and behaviors (FMB) we’ve developed over the years.

“We don’t realize that these fears, mindsets and behaviors not only hold us back, but they actually co-create and attract what’s happening in our lives,” Caprino told us.

The Solution
Getting out of this FMB dominion is a matter of taking ourselves to the next level of thought, a level where we have control over what we do and who we want to be.

“It’s only when we shift internally and empower ourselves to think, act and believe at a higher level can the outer changes we long for become a reality.”

“It’s only when we shift internally and empower ourselves to think, act and believe at a higher level can the outer changes we long for most become a reality,” Caprino said. “Einstein said, ‘A problem can’t be solved on the level of consciousness that created it.’ Truth!”

We Love Our Internal Auto-Pilot Setting

The Problem
Dating coach Julie Ferman
pointed out we have a knack for falling into a routine of behavior that becomes our way of life not because it’s best, but because it’s easiest.

“We tend to keep doing things the same way. We get stuck in ruts, patterns of thought and behavior, and it’s uncomfortable to do something new and different,” Ferman said. “It’s ‘easier’ to just be on auto-pilot, going about our day’s journey in a way that’s already known.”

The Solution
The best way to break out of our auto-pilot rut, Ferman said, is to make the choice to be courageous and thoughtful.

“It takes courage and commitment to stop, think, and act or behave in a new way by choice as opposed to instinct or pattern,” she said.

“We honor our humanity by stepping into that place of courage and commitment, initiating a new reality for ourselves.”

In fact, choosing to break out of our auto-pilot actions and embrace a new life is one of the unique things which makes us human.

“As humans we have the ability to choose… and that’s what’s uniquely special about being human,” she said. “We honor our humanity by stepping into that place of courage and commitment, initiating a new reality for ourselves.”

Happy Girl, Overcoming Our Ruts
Change is possible through courage and commitment…

We Don’t Think We Can Change

The Problem
Aboodi Shabi, one of the United Kingdom’s leading leadership developers and transformation coaches
, told us many of his clients don’t truly believe they can change.

They get so accustomed to living their life according to their habits — both good and bad — they don’t realize they are capable of changing themselves and leaping out of their rut and into a new reality.

“We can fall into believing that we can’t really change who we are.”

The solution
Identifying the the thoughts which underpin our belief that we can’t change is a key to getting unstuck.

“We can … fall into believing that we can’t really change who we are,” he said. “If we don’t address the your core beliefs and interpretations, then new learning isn’t likely to stick.”

Reaching Back in Time

The Problem
Leading financial coach Michelle Tascoe
said many of us live our lives a certain way based on our tendency to look to previous events in our life for answers about what to do in the present.

“People get stuck in a pattern when they look to the past/experience for answers,” she said. “By doing this they get more of the past and never create a new future.”

When you’re stuck looking to the past for what you want, you tend to lose sight of what you truly desire in the present.

The Solution
Tascoe told us the key to making a change in your life is to know what you want and to desire a transformation.

“Just wanting to change isn’t enough. If you don’t know where you want to go you’ll never get there.”

“I am shocked by how many of my clients initially don’t really know what they want,” Tascoe said. “There is a saying that people perish for lack of vision. Just wanting to change isn’t enough. If you don’t know where you want to go you’ll never get there.”

Caught in Core Beliefs

The Problem
“Human beings get ‘stuck’ in particular habits of being when our core beliefs – about ourselves, about other people, and about the world itself – are inconsistent with the results we desire to achieve,” certified Law of Attraction coach and life coach trainer Christy Whitman told us.

For instance, she said, if you believe that you are inadequate, that belief becomes a filter through which you interpret everything that happens.

The Solution
Most of the time, that filter will reinforce your belief you are inadequate. If you wan’t to break out of the life you’ve been living, you’ll need to expose these beliefs.

“By bringing these hidden beliefs to the light and taking actions that challenge their validity we shift our consciousness and later our reality.”

“By bringing these hidden beliefs to the light and taking actions that challenge their validity,” Whitman said, “we shift our consciousness and alter our reality.”

If you want to know more about Christy’s introductory video for Goaly:

Trauma is a difficult thing to endure.

Though great pain and hurt is associated with the trauma itself, there are times when the months and years following the trauma seem just as difficult to work through.

For many of us, trauma is something to lock away for as long as we can. Like a caged lion, it likes to remind us it’s there by unleashing fierce roars when we least expect it.

Frozen in fear, we try to ignore the presence of the the ferocious memory.

The experts at the Institute on Violence, Abuse and Trauma (IVAT) pointed out our mind’s constant effort to repress our childhood trauma can lead to a myriad of health problems, including:

  • Posttraumatic stress syndrome
  • Dissociative disorder
  • Depression
  • Sleep-related disorders

Preserving your health isn’t the only benefit to working through past trauma. We talked with Romane Stewart, the mind behind the popular website Making Motivation, about trauma and how confronting it can benefit us:

 

You’ll Acknowledge the Truth

It’s scary, but it’s true. In order for us to move on from our trauma we need to accept it’s reality. Along with that comes the host of challenges we’ll face as we come to realizations about who we are and how our trauma has affected us.

“We have to be true to ourselves and accept our reality. This is really the first step in mastering the self,” Stewart said. “We have to look at ourselves and properly assess our challenges by asking questions like, ‘Why is this happening?’ and ‘How did I get here?’ and ‘How is it affecting my life?’”

“We have to be true to ourselves and accept our reality. This is really the first step in mastering the self.”

Asking these questions and confronting the truth will empower us.

“We have to take control of our lives if we ever want to have a chance of living the life we want,” Stewart said, “ and, most importantly, the life we deserve.”

You’ll Inspire Others

Our personal stories serve as a narrative to those around us. The choices we make have the potential to inspire others to not only intensify their journey of personal development, but, in the case of those who have endured trauma, to confront their trauma and begin to move forward.

“One of the biggest problems we face in society these days is the lack of role models.”

“You’ll be a positive example in the life of others,” Stewart said. “One of the biggest problems we face in society these days is the lack of role models. If you can prove to others that you have succeeded through your respective challenges, you’ll gain friendships and credibility.”

Your Self-Confidence Will Rise

When you confront your past trauma, you’ll be more confident and comfortable about who you are. As you move forward in life, you’ll be better equipped to meet and overcome the challenges you will face.

You’ll have the ability to accept yourself and challenge yourself to do the things for which you’ve been longing all your life.”

“Your self-confidence levels will go up and you’ll feel like the sky’s the limit and that your challenges exist for a reason,” Stewart said. “You’ll have the ability to accept yourself and challenge yourself … to do the things which you’ve been longing all your life but never envisioned yourself being victorious in.

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The world is sleeping…

Even though it’s clicking, liking and sharing, interaction on a deeper human level is lacking for many of us. Rates of loneliness and depression are rising in the Western world ( Data) even though our connectedness is better than ever before.

According to a 2013 article in Canadian publication The Globe and Mail, 25 percent of Canadians say they feel lonely. In the United States, 40 percent of people say they feel lonely, a number which has doubled in the past 30 years.

Modern-Day Zombies

Zombies are fictional, of course — they’re mindless, reanimated human corpses with a hunger for human flesh. Anyone who’s seen an episode of The Walking Dead knows what we’re talking about.

But in today’s society, we’re becoming more like the zombies we see stumbling around on our television screens. We resemble the living dead in the way we are present with our family or friends, but so far removed as we gaze into our phones and scroll through Facebook and Instagram posts, hardly aware we’re surrounded by humans who love us.
Girl Zombies, Goaly Blog
Meanwhile, we’re fighting obesity, depression and loneliness even though we have a gym on every corner and healthy food on the shelves of our local stores. Why do we feel so disconnected and distant in such a connected world? Why are we living like the dead?

The Science Behind Our Loneliness

There’s a reason why we go into a zombie-like coma after using social media, and Facebook in particular. A study by two German universities showed that 1 out of every 3 people using Facebook “feel worse after visiting the site and feel more dissatisfied with their lives.”

Another study showed users with low self-esteem and high narcissism use Facebook more frequently, for longer periods of time and post more self-promotional material.

Eventually, with enough scrolling, posting and liking we become unconscious of our own mental patterns and choices.We are running on autopilot, and for many, it creates a mental state I like to call “zombie”.

7 Ways To Tell If You’re A Zombie

1. You’re sleeping through everyth…zzzzz…..

You don’t like your life, the people in it, or yourself, so you switch your brain into off mode. Autopilot. Time-lapse wonderland.

You escape life through daydreaming, addictions, overeating, and anything else you can find to numb out the noise of reality. 

Suddenly you find out you have no idea how this week, month and year — or a decade, if you’re a pro zombie — disappeared.

You escape life through daydreaming, addictions, overeating, and anything else you can find to numb out the noise of reality. You silence your emotion, too, which is the tuning fork to by which we experience reality in real time.

2. Narrow focus

Modern-day zombies don’t waste their energy on trying to be happy — it’s too costly and draining. Instead, they use reptile reasoning to make it through the day. Like an alligator, snake or other creepy/slimy ground dweller, their interactions with the world are focused on three thoughts:

  • Can I eat it?
  • Can I have sex with it?
  • Will it kill me?

We’re not kidding when we say reptile brain, either. Experts call it the “old brain”, an ancient part of your mind linked to our basic human instincts.

“The job of your old brain is to constantly scan the environment and answer the questions: ‘Can I eat it? Can I have sex with it? Will it kill me?’”

Behavioral science specialist Susan Weinschenk says “the job of your old brain is to constantly scan the environment and answer the questions: ‘Can I eat it? Can I have sex with it? Will it kill me?’ That’s really all the old brain cares about: food sex and danger.”

If this focus gets too extreme, addictions get added to the list and you  take your zombieness to another level, cutting out empathy and self-respect to support a habit that makes your brain and body addicted to escaping reality.

3.  Reality Check

You may not be a zombie by technical definition, but you pretty much try to eat people alive when they point out your strange, act-like-the-dead behavior. Do any of these sound like you?

  • You get angry when people remind you about your behavior or lifestyle.
  • You are scared of change, and since you can’t control your mind, you react to fear with anger.

    ‘You are scared of change, and since you can’t control your mind, you react to fear with anger.”

  • You lack true empathy because empathy does not support your own behavior.
  • You attack others, gossip and lie in order to support your mindset.
  • You are insanely jealous of people who have things you want because it reminds you of the reality you want.

 

4. Zombified Response: Run, Attack or Denial

Zombies don’t like to be confronted about their behavior. Since they are in reptile brain mode, they see questions about their behaviors as an attack. Only two responses exist: attack, or run.

To simplify a complex world, you make blueprints to handle situations that are meant to wake you from your zombie state.

5. Zombies Are Your Only Friends

You love like-minded zombies who mimic your (supremely low) level of enthusiasm and do not challenge your beliefs, thoughts, or pattern of behaviors.

“Anytime anyone criticizes you, you go into full zombie-attack mode, hungry for warm flesh and the death of all who dare point out your zombieness.”

You lack coping mechanisms to make friends with honest non-zombies, so anytime anyone criticizes you, you go into full zombie-attack mode, hungry for warm flesh and the death of all who dare point out your zombieness.

Misery loves zombie company, right?

6. No Mindfulness

You have little or no ability to concentrate or meditate .. it’s a waste of time, and it’s for non-zombies who are spiritual or into some weird alternative world.

You hate mindfulness because it takes your head out of the sand and makes you uncomfortable. Your goal is to numb your feelings and keep yourself removed from reality. Your number one focus is to binge on video games, TV, food, drug/alcohol addictions and anything else that can remove you from the unpleasant human world.

Girl Eyes, Zombie, Goaly Blog

Your dream is to get home from work so you can do absolutely nothing.

Your entire identity is trapped in a uncontrolled, unaware zombie state  filled with limiting beliefs that scare you so much you shut off even more of your conscious mind and your brain goes into permanent autopilot. Denial of reality is the main force behind your zombieness.

7. Emotional Vampire

You eat others’ energy like it was warm flesh. After all, you stopped believing in your own passion and purpose a long time ago and settled into your bitter way of life.

When meeting people who have positive energy, you eat them alive or put them down because you feel scared and insecure they’re actually alive.

You get happy when someone falls to your level and indulges in zombie misery. You feel more connected with them especially if they also like to bury their days in a mountain of junk food, cigarette butts, drugs and a handsome sprinkling of empty beer cans. As in every zombie movie, you won’t attack someone who is “one of you”.

Big City, Big Zombie Problems

Traveling around the world last year, I saw a lack of zombies in Costa Rica and a serious concentration of them in New York. How is that even possible?! You’d think a third-world country with less resources and less education should be more zombified than the culture capital of the world. But, it’s not. Why?

Costa Rica is a place where the people live in the moment. They aren’t controlled by money or time or fear. Or Facebook. Or media and television. They spend time outside, focusing on friends and family in real-time and not through Facebook or Skype.

New York, on the other hand, is the complete opposite.

Endless options make people numb. The brain stops working. The ego takes over. Our lives become plastic and fake. Deep human connections are lost. Zombies rise up from their life-graves and devour the living.

New York City, Zombie, Goaly Blog

The bigger city, the bigger the community of zombies.

Zombiness is a disease. We get addicted to the mindset of being mindless. Of being in off mode. Of escape. Of demolishing mindfulness. And we lose sight of working toward a life we cherish, love and desire.

A Quick Zombie Checklist

Think of these questions in the context of what happened yesterday. If you answer no to any of these questions, seek human interaction immediately:

  • Do you remember what you did last day?
  • Do you remember what you ate?
  • Do you remember who you connected with?
  • Did you get a hug or did people avoid you (Run away?)
  • Did you see any nature, flowers or people and feel connected in that moment?
  • Do you go “offline” when you eat, and suddenly see you have eaten everything.
  • Do you get annoyed by support and guidance?

Four Ways To Cure Yourself from Zombieism

Are you a modern-day zombie? There is a cure. In fact, there are things you can practice every day that will snap you out of your undead state.

1. Mindfulness

Zombies are mindless. Mindfulness is the opposite of mindlessness.

A mindful life might be very unpleasant in the beginning and your reptile brain might tell you that embracing reality is way more boring that food, sex and survival. I promise, your new mindfulness won’t kill you.

The more zombie you’ve become, the more mindfulness you require. Unlatching that brain of yours from your piles of reality-robbing addictions and plugging into the real world is exactly what you need.

2. Self-Love

There’s a reason why you never see a zombie movie where the undead do yoga, hug a friend (without trying to maul them like a wild dog) or smile just because they felt like it. Zombies are busy feeding the numbed beast within.

Heart, Zombie, Goaly Blog

You can get a head start on self-love by determining your purpose in life, that thing which makes you jump out of bed in the morning (human flesh not included).

To figure out your purpose, take a look at the stuff in your life you embraced to keep yourself locked in zombie world — job, partner, friends, habits, etc. Find a way out that doesn’t involve self-hate, self-harm or daydreaming.

Then, practice the three P’s:

  • Find a purpose you love
  • Find passions you love
  • Find the people you love who will support your mission to unzombify yourself.

Once you’ll do this, you’ll start to feel the very unzombie feeling of love for and from your authentic friends. You’ll realize the power of being loved by people who love you for who you are and are willing to let you be whoever you want to be.

“Find a purpose you love. Find passions you love. Find the people you love who will support your mission to unzombify yourself.”

You’ll become aware of and connected to your mind, body and soul — this is self-love

3. Honesty and Trust

You wouldn’t trust a zombie, right? Honesty — being real and authentic — totally kills the zombie lifestyle. Honest people are trustworthy.

An honest life is built on a real foundation, not a bunch of false fronts and deceptions. I’m not going to lie — once you start leading an honest life, your zombie friends will run for their live because they do not like the sound of authenticity

It scares the crap out of them because they don’t know how to mirror authenticity in themselves.

4. Reduce Your Ego

Ego-driven people make the perfect zombie because they eat people alive. Their need to make everything about them goes back to the desires of the reptile brain – food, sex and survival.

Of course, you don’t want to a reptilian-brained zombie, right? So make sure your heart is bigger than your ego, and awake to experience all the great things zombies can’t see, hear or feel because they’re walking through life in zombie mode.

“A big heart doesn’t just cure zombieism; it makes your whole life more warm, loving and meaningful.”

If you need less ego, participate in activities which focus on others, not yourself: charity, support groups, a friend who needs your help or even a movie that makes you feel connected with the world in a bigger sense.

Do everything you can to train the empathy nerve that zombies numb or ignore. When empathy is triggered, the heart is growing, which is a good thing. A big heart doesn’t just cure zombieism, it makes your whole life more warm, loving and meaningful.