Authors Posts by David Vox

David Vox

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Listening to the heart – that’s intuition

One of the UK’s leading coaches Carole Ann Rice shares her secrets to unconscious intelligence.

Our ears never get us into trouble. But our mouths need a police escort sometimes and a lock down in some cases. If we listen and don’t jump we can weigh up a situation and take a measured response. But sometimes it’s the wrong one especially when we override our filter and go straight for brain reaction.

Our filter? Our hearts, of course. Our hearts never desert us, never turn away, never really let us down. Our minds, heads and egos often run away with a situation leaving us stuck with the consequences for good or ill. But imagine if you could just pause for 5 minutes and ask that other true presence – our heart – what it feels about the situation. It’s the inner voice that doesn’t use words.

I have coached countless women, who, in particular seem disconnected with their intuition or gut instinct. They routinely date users and losers seemingly incapable of having the protective inner compass that sets off alarm bells and warns of potential dangers ahead.

Highly functioning, professionally successful women who don’t seem to be able to tune into the frequency that says “don’t’ even think about it” as they head crazily into situations and relationships that would have others digging out air raid shelters under their desks bulk buying supplies of bottled water and nacho chips.

In her seminal book Women Who Run With The Wolves poet, psychoanalyst and social historian Clarissa Pinkola Estes says that it is neglectful, suffocating or careless mothering of daughters that can cause a faulty intuition guidance system in later life. She says: “when we assert intuition we are therefore like the starry night: we gaze at the world through a thousand eyes”.

I have never dated a bad guy and few people or situations have hoodwinked me down a blind alley of pain or deception. But I have always had a strong sense of what I like, trust and need. My psychic radar is an essential bit of my kit. I hone it well.

I find developing this special sense requires patience, trust and subtlety. It takes self belief, confidence and self awareness to tune into the gentle whispers or vibrations which are our clues. Learn to listen to the mellifluous rhythm of your heart messages as your spiritual sat nav.

Here I share some of my methods which steer me well when forming relationships or negotiating business opportunities.

 

    • I look deep into the eyes of the person who is offering something. Are they kind and sincere or cold, flat and without feeling?
    • What sort of feeling does their presence give me? Do we have connection and real synchronicity?
    • How do they smell? What is their body language? How is their face in repose when no one is looking? Is their laugh rich or hollow?
    • Do their words sound real or fake? What words stand out? What are they really saying?
    • Is there any element at all of threat? Even the merest hint must be minded.
    • If there is any doubt I delay until sure. I won’t be railroaded. I would rather decline than be rushed. But beware of analysis paralysis which will bind you to confusion.
    • How does my skin, breathing, body and trust levels feel about the person/situation?
    • Learn to discern between fear, excitement and dread.

One of the saddest life lesson is regret. Not taking an opportunity or making a wrong choice. Try to play out the scenario being offered in your head. What are the pros? Can you live with the cons? The bottom line is to ask your heart – what do I need to know? Will I prosper and thrive or barely survive? How will I feel if I don’t step forward? Can I live with that? Will I be OK whatever happens?

It is our life’s journey to know ourselves. Our loves, our values, our passions and our fears must be understood and considered. We must have firm personal and professional boundaries and learn to say no. People pleasing can make you a resentful or abused victim when used as a tool to garner love. Desperate needs cloud intuition.

The answers you seek may take time to form and may come in dreams, a sudden flash when walking down the street or in the shower so give it time if you can. Trust your higher self, your heart, knows the answer and believe in its wisdom.

You do know, you know?

Carole Ann Rice www.realcoachingco.com

Want to get more coaching from Carole Ann Rice? Check her strategies right here:

 

How to Love your Envy

How to Stop People Pleasing
How to Stop People Pleasing

 

 

 

Goaly was so happy to have the amazing Terri Cole right here, in Copenhagen!  Her talk was dedicated to our well known “frenemy” : fear.

Terri is now launching a 4 week program with experts as Marie Forleo, Danielle Leporte, Gabrielle Bernstein, Meggan Watterson, Kate Northrup among many other A-listers.  Check out her course right here

The event & Photoshoot:

Around 50 female CEO`s and bloggers participated at the event, and we were so inspired by stories around the table from the world´s happiest country – Denmark!

After filming and planning, we did a photo shoot with the top Scandinavian Photographer Fred Jonny.

 

Photo Shoot The Scandinavian Way..
Photo Shoot The Scandinavian Way..

Working with him, was a great honor! From shooting the top brands and fashion magazines, he took the trip over to capture the true beauty of one of the world´s leading therapist and life coaches. After the shoot we went directly to the event place @ CharlottenBorg Cafe. Terri had exactly 5 minutes to prepare, after working on tour with one of her A-list clients for a month – we thought she liked a hectic schedule :)

Charlottenborg Cafe

 

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We were so blessed connecting with Denmark´s leading jewelry maker Mads Heindorf. In his store, we picked out jewelry that was hand made and a perfect fit for out theme. With a jewelry guard at our side, we shot photos at Copenhagen’s best locations, fighting rain and wind.

- Luckily our experienced Photographer and assistant knew how to make the best out of the situation!

Tiny Sneak peak of photoshoot
Tiny Sneak peak of photoshoot – with Mads Heindorf jewlery.

Our favorite pick from his collection was the meditating buddha with 10 sapphires and diamonds… ( Visit his store here if you feel like updating your jewelry collecting and insurance policy! )

Another surprise for our event, was Denmark´s green genius Eric Florent. From the same location (If you want to visit and take a look at flower walls and sun cell driven flower decorations! )

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During his many travels around the globe, he observed and collected a variety of species from different environments – and created installations that is perfectly suited to our interior! The big “buzz” was the 3-meter tall “flower walls” that watered themselves, and the eco-friendly glasses that was powered by the sun and gave a beautiful lighting effect at the flowers at night!

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A big thanks to http://karmameju.com/ for providing some amazing Goodie-bags for Terri - and pure organic oils for the audience! 

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Thank you to all helpers during the event, and a special thanks to Fred Jonny´s assistant, Sarah (Our beloved DOP) Mell and our stylist for the day And any other day) Yunah! 

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The pain experienced when finding out that your spouse is having an affair can be horrendous. Learn how to move through this time in your life with patience and kindness to yourself.

This infographic from Huffington Post can give some new insight in why, where and when people are cheating:

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And in our strategy – you can go trough the steps if you have experienced this. 

Drea Correa has put together this healing process strategy to help you move forward in your life. She will help you take actionable steps include acknowledging the betraying, breaking the negativity, building your resilience, releasing anger and learning to trust.Drea is a divorce and conflict resolution coach who has has combined her personal journey and professional experience with coaching to help others through their conflicts, both personal (divorce) and professional (career conflict). She is a Certified Professional Coach (CPC) and Energy Leadership-Master Practitioner (ELI-MP) with iPEC, a highly distinguished and remarkable year-long program accredited by the International Coaching Federation (ICF). Her experiences have given her the insight and expertise needed to deal with high stakes and stressful situations.

Divorce is a messy subject that requires tact, patience, and diplomacy. Drea can help you minimize the stress of the situation and focusing on taking care of yourself with kindness and patience through the process.

Start your journey to healing with Drea right now:
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“I freed hundreds of slaves. I could have freed thousands more, if they had only known they were enslaved.” - Harriet Tubman

It wasn’t until 5 years after my husband left our 23-year marriage that I realized I had been enslaved.

I remember standing in our kitchen while we were still married, saying to myself that this was a wonderful life I was living but it wasn’t mine. We had “everything” on the outside but there was a void, a disconnect to what mattered on the inside & I ached for it.

Building a house to families without a home - with my beloved children!
Building a house to families without a home – with my beloved children!

When my was-been (ex-husband) wanted to buy the big home on the acre lot, I was fearful that it would change our focus but he calmly assured me that it would only enhance our lives.

I trusted him to make that decision on our behalf, even though within me I knew the dangers of what could be the underlying motivation. In time, the focus insidiously shifted from investing in the meaningful foundation of our marriage to the outer appearance of how we were perceived.

Monies that were once available to give away or experience a life-changing adventure began to be primarily  poured into the home & outward appearances.

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Bucket Loads of Stuff

I get it … “everyone” does it, right? But I’m not everyone and he knew that when he married me. I was the adventurous, soulful, truth-seeking girl that passionately inspires change in the world.

Time & energy was being redirected by the bucket loads to things, stuff & what-nots. Frankly, there is nothing wrong with “stuff” unless it sucks you dry of vibrant life-giving energy & becomes what you live for.

There is nothing wrong with ‘stuff’ unless it sucks you dry of vibrant life-giving energy & becomes what you live for…

Sadly, it became apparent that he was unconsciously being swept up into creating the “perfect” life that served the ego not the soul.

The essence of our marriage was being sucked dry & the once heart-felt connection we had experienced was being replaced with harsh expectations, cold connections, bone-chilling distance. However, it was in no way apparent on the outside.

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The Odd-Girl Out

Thirsty to make a difference I still found my way to Calcutta, India, and Addis Abba, Ethiopia, to work with Mother Teresa’s Missionaries of Charity.

I spent months of my life serving & speaking in Mexico, Nicaragua, Russia, India & trekking in the wilderness, climbing Kilimanjaro. Each time, I’d return to the palatial home we lived in and felt like the odd-girl out.

Mother Teresa said that you can find Calcutta in every part of the world, wherever you find the lonely, the forgotten. I began a ministry to high school & college-age kids in the urban core and filled that huge home with inner-city kids.

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Over the past decade, I started to intensely study yoga, meditation, mindfulness & intertwining these practices to an even deeper level in my life.

With my BS in Occupational Therapy, I received my MA in Leadership from seminary and became an ordained minister. I was raised Catholic, went to a Presbyterian seminary and became an ordained Baptist minister.

I’ve studied Buddhist, Hindu, Sikh and Christian meditation and became certified as a meditation instructor from the Chopra Institute. After working 1-on-1 with Martha Beck (one of Oprah’s Life Coaches) for three years, I became certified as one of her Life Coaches. I studied and became certified as a Jin Shin Jyutsu (an ancient form of acupressure) practitioner, studied Resonance repatterning and Kundalini Yoga.

Seeking The Deeper Truth

As a truth seeker, I awakened to the reality that the body, mind and soul are inextricably linked. We are designed to live in sync. I have explored this connection in my soulful & physical adventures of marathons, triathlons, rock climbing, backpacking, hiking, mountain biking, horseback riding and yoga. 

The body, mind and soul are inextricably linked.

I also deeply value expressing the soul creatively through art, dance, singing, music, theatre, writing & film. We are experiential beings designed to explore our potential in every area that we are intrigued by. These explorations are invaluable to our expansion body, mind & soul.

 

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I unequivocally believe that there are many currencies that make up being wealthy and that investments in one’s self is the only lasting investment that compounds, hence my studies were/are my most valuable investments.

The currency of energy, enthusiasm, love, family, friends, creativity, health, knowledge, wisdom, compassion, passion and purpose are invaluable.  Money is only one currency & the one most highly regarded in our culture.

The currency of energy, enthusiasm, love, family, friends, creativity, health, knowledge, wisdom, compassion, passion and purpose are invaluable.

Wealth can be an incredible blessing but it can also be the source of a great deal of havoc when it is valued above authentic currencies.

Bone-Crushing Divorce

When my was-been left, I was baffled and completely unable to wrap my head around what had occurred. I had changed, continued to evolve through yoga, meditation, nutrition, soul seeking but I was simply on the same trajectory I had always been. What made it so unbearable that he would up and leave? I’m not sure I will ever make sense of it.

 

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It was a bone-crushing divorce. The need to control and crush was undeniable and evident to all. In utter disbelief, I wrestled to make sense of my new adversary: negotiating life as a single parent.

Left With the Shards

The confident, strong, capable, effervescent, adventurous, playful, loving, thriving woman and mom was replaced by an anxious, scared, hurt, beaten-down, protective single mom fighting to survive.
During this five-year period:
  • I had become a single mother
  • My best friend died after her eight-year battle with cancer
  • My best friend from college committed suicide
  • My dad died
  • We lost our family home
  • The family in which I had invested my hear was nowhere to be found
  • The economy crashed

I panicked and secured a full-time job in public television, pushing aside my motivational speaking and life/wellness coaching business. The life I created was obliterated, and with it everything I loved and in which I invested had vanished.

The life I created was obliterated, and with it everything I loved and in which I invested had vanished.

I was left alone with the shards to create a new life for the 3 of us & we called ourselves “Stronghold 3”.  We’d huddle together in that big house on one small couch.  We were inseparable.
I was their rock where they weathered all the crazy changes that were going on in their dad’s life. Desperate for attention of my own, I started dating two guys at once: Ben & Jerry. I went to bed with them every night to spoon.
Over time, they became clingy & I became fluffy. After the shock waves finally lifted, my body was depleted of energy and my heart was drained of all joy.
Once a marathoner and triathlete, my body felt like it was filled with lead, my heart empty and my mind stuck in “poor-me” thoughts. I was unable to run more than three miles and my workouts were puny. Stamina depleted, I was overwhelmed with the stress of being a single-mom and my playful energy tank was empty. I grieved the loss of what our family would never be and I got stuck in my dark sadness.

I grieved the loss of what our family would never be and I got stuck in my dark sadness.

It’s wild to think that my mother died at 56 from anger, bitterness and resentment after her debilitating divorce. She was overweight, inactive & a sugarholic. Diabetic with high blood pressure, she had three heart attacks in a 10-day period and her body did not have the stamina to recover.
We discovered that she had been addicted to valium. Although she sought help through counseling, she was unable to integrate the insights to elicit change. She was unable to be a strong mother. From as young as I can remember, it was my job to take care of her.
On May 6th, 2015, I turned 56: the age my mother was when she died. I am passionate about being in the most vibrant health ever…mind, body, soul.

Settled for Less

I  made the best of life after divorce but realized that I had settled for less. I had somehow begun to believe that as a single mother my life would be less than that of a married woman and that my opportunities would be bound by my limitations. When overcome by my loneliness, I found fleeting thoughts of suicide sting me.

 I had somehow begun to believe that as a single mother my life would be less than that of a married woman.

However, the undying love of my kids would not allow me to entertain that possibility. They needed me and I was here to sacrifice everything for them…they are my heart and my soul. It was devastating to not be able to protect them from the pain of the master control games spouses play amid a divorce.

The Most Painful Consequence

I did all I could to avoid the power struggles, but to no avail. This is perhaps the most painful of consequence of divorce My own father told me about his divorce through a note he left on my dresser asking me to tell my mother that he had moved out and wanted a divorce.

My deepest hope was that my kids would never experience the turmoil of a torn family and instead they got it in spades! Dodging, maneuvering, orchestrating…I twisted myself into all sorts of parenting positions to offer relief and protection for my babes with no concern about what it was costing me.  I desperately did not want them to experience what I did but no matter what I did, it was impossible. They were crushed and I could not protect them.

Finding Guts and Grit

However, in time I realized that just like before the divorce, I was not living the life I was intended to live — I wasn’t the adventurous, soulful, truth-seeking girl passionately inspiring change in the world I knew myself to be.  I was the beaten-down version of myself who hinted to reflections of my mom but in no way reflected the truth about myself. So it was time…time to find the guts and grit to start ALL over.
My first step was to stop buying into the self-limiting beliefs that, as a single mother, my opportunities were limited and to push through the belief that I had missed the boat.

My first step was to stop buying into the self-limiting belief that, as a single mother, my opportunities were limited.

I had been hesitating to take my kids across the border to Tijuana, Mexico to build a home for precious families who lived in cardboard. How could I, a single 5’2”, tiny flaca [blonde white chick in Spanish] risk taking her kids across the border — not to mention the financial cost and time away from work?
But somehow, someway I knew that if I decided to go the doors would open in the most unlikely way. And open they did.

Crossing the Border

Stronghold3! crossed the border, slept in tents, had bucket showers, swung hammers, mixed concrete by hand & built a 22′ x 11′ home for a beautiful family of six.
I reconnected with my passion to make a difference with my kids alongside of me. This was a significant step in re-embracing my true self. It reignited the guts & grit within me to keep tackling the next challenge & embracing the next opportunity.

I reconnected with my passion to make a difference with my kids alongside me. This was a significant step in re-embracing my true self.

I left my job at KCPT public television after two years of seeking the illusion of security and putting aside my life’s calling.  Opportunities began to appear out of seemingly nowhere urging me to risk returning to my passion and purpose as a life/wellness coach and speaker.
I mustered up the courage, let go of my grip on fear and at the very moment I left public television, KCTV5 asked me to be their life and wellness expert with a regular TV spot called “YOU GOT THIS!”. I was on-air live five days later. Then the Kansas University Medical Center’s Department of Integrative Medicine, an incredible cutting edge team focused on a holistic approach, referred clients to me as their wellness coach.
TV, radio,speaking gigs, articles and ideal clients began appearing effortlessly. My professional strength and traction were building. I felt led to rebuilding my physical strength and stamina to re-energize my body, mind & soul.

Revitalized

So I took myself through a mind/body transformation to reclaim my strength to see how far I could go. I cleansed, trained and fueled my body with the most nutrient-dense nourishment I could find.  I was amazed that my energy was revitalized beyond what I had ever experienced in my life. I was running faster, my body was stronger and sleeker and momentum was building. I am now beyond elated at my body’s ability to handle stress.

 I was amazed that my energy was revitalized beyond what I had ever experienced in my life.

At the same time, I realized that my head needed to be in the game. If I was to cleanse my body I had to cleanse my mind of all the negative thoughts sabotaging me. This was quite the challenge as I had replayed the divorce over and over again in my head, trying to figure what had happened and how to never repeat that painful experience ever again.
Without realizing it because of my weakened state,  I was creating more of the same pain by focusing on the difficulties. Reflection serves a purpose but once we learn from it, it’s time to recreate new stories of promise and embracing potential.

Embracing Who Your Are

Hence, I created my “YOU GOT THIS!” Body Fit, Mind Fit, Soul Fit philosophy. I began to fervently practice these tools in order to exemplify my  motto: “Live it to Give it!”
I knew that I was not the only woman who had been betrayed, bludgeoned and lost sight of her strength and calling. All too often, women in their 50’s can begin to believe that their lives no longer matter.
They have most likely sacrificed a great deal of themselves in the raising of their kids and in support of their halfhearted marriages. It’s scary to step out beyond what you know to embrace the unknown but the world is waiting for you.

All too often, women in their 50’s can begin to believe that their lives no longer matter. 

The world needs you to embrace the truth of who you are, coupled with the tremendous life experience you have to own your voice & live out loud.  Your wisdom, grace, life experiences and heartbreaks have prepared you for this time in your life.

Don’t settle for less than who you are. Dare to live it.

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And, as T.S. Eliot said:

“It’s never too late too be what you might have been.” 

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3 Reasons Why You Need A Career Coach

Most of us aren’t happy with our careers.

We sit down to our computers, walk into our offices or stroll into the warehouse with the burning desire to get out of our workplace as fast as we can.   Forbes says you aren’t alone. Dissatisfaction is the modern workplace epidemic:

  • 48 percent of worldwide workers don’t like their jobs
  • More than 80 percent of American workers feel stressed out at their workplace
  • Only 30 percent of employees actually feel engaged with what they’re doing.
  • 18 percent of workers hate every minute of their job


With so many people dissatisfied with their occupation, we decided to talk to Kathy Caprino, a Forbes  columnist and one of Goaly’s expert coaches. Kathy told us hiring a career coach is a wise choice for anyone who finds themselves in the following three situations:

1. You know you’re not happy but you can´t figure out what you really want to do

You’ve come to the depressing realization that you hate your job but you really don’t know which career you’d want to dive into if you decided to quit. So, you imprison yourself in your current job.

“Your career coach will help you discover your true passions, then walk with you as you find the career that best suits your deepest longings and desires for a satisfying career.”

Your career coach will help you discover your true passions, then walk with you as you find the career that best suits your deepest longings and desires for a satisfying career where you can use your ability to meet even the most difficult challenges.

This type of self-fulfillment is a career coach’s specialty: they want you to succeed in what you love to do!

 

2. You know exactly what you want from your professional life, but you just can’t seem to get it.

For some of us, we’re in the career we love but, for one reason or another, we don’t’ have the ability (or so we think) to achieve the promotion, salary or accolades we desire.  A career coach will help you identify the things which are holding you back.

“Your coach will help you see your blind spots, your weakness and reveal your limiting beliefs.”

You’ll discover that, most often, how you perform in the workplace has a lot to do with how you think in the workplace. Your coach will help you see your blind spots, your weakness and reveal your limiting beliefs – those thoughts we have that keep us chained to mediocrity.

 

When you’re stuck, lost and confused & you want help to craft a more meaningful, rewarding and successful livelihood.

It’s not always easy to make sense of your career and your aspirations. There are times when you find yourself completely confused about your choices, your expectations and your belief in yourself.

A career coach will help you discover yourself – what you want, what you don’t want, who you are and how much potential you have to create the life you’ve always desired.

“Your coach is an expert in the types of problems you face – they’ll have the tools to help you sort out the options, clear up the confusion and help you find your way.”

The road isn’t easy, but having a professional partner walk with you and help you see the best side of yourself is an invaluable transformational process.

Plus, your coach is an expert in the types of problems you face – they’ll have the tools to help you sort out the options, clear up the confusion and help you find your way to a more meaningful existence.

Identifying Your Worklife Passion

One of Kathy Caprino’s specialties is helping her clients – primarily females – find their worklife passion.

Her wisdom isn’t exclusive to women, though – the expertise she shares can help anyone who finds themselves in one of the places we talked about.

Her “Identifying Your Worklife Passion” step-by-step strategy will help you sort out the career conundrum in which you find yourself  by challenging you with pointed questions and explorations of who you are and what you truly want.

Click here to begin Kathy’s “Identifying Your Worklife Passion” series!

In the meantime, check out her introductory video for the Worklife Passion series:

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The world is sleeping…

Even though it’s clicking, liking and sharing, interaction on a deeper human level is lacking for many of us. Rates of loneliness and depression are rising in the Western world ( Data) even though our connectedness is better than ever before.

According to a 2013 article in Canadian publication The Globe and Mail, 25 percent of Canadians say they feel lonely. In the United States, 40 percent of people say they feel lonely, a number which has doubled in the past 30 years.

Modern-Day Zombies

Zombies are fictional, of course — they’re mindless, reanimated human corpses with a hunger for human flesh. Anyone who’s seen an episode of The Walking Dead knows what we’re talking about.

But in today’s society, we’re becoming more like the zombies we see stumbling around on our television screens. We resemble the living dead in the way we are present with our family or friends, but so far removed as we gaze into our phones and scroll through Facebook and Instagram posts, hardly aware we’re surrounded by humans who love us.
Girl Zombies, Goaly Blog
Meanwhile, we’re fighting obesity, depression and loneliness even though we have a gym on every corner and healthy food on the shelves of our local stores. Why do we feel so disconnected and distant in such a connected world? Why are we living like the dead?

The Science Behind Our Loneliness

There’s a reason why we go into a zombie-like coma after using social media, and Facebook in particular. A study by two German universities showed that 1 out of every 3 people using Facebook “feel worse after visiting the site and feel more dissatisfied with their lives.”

Another study showed users with low self-esteem and high narcissism use Facebook more frequently, for longer periods of time and post more self-promotional material.

Eventually, with enough scrolling, posting and liking we become unconscious of our own mental patterns and choices.We are running on autopilot, and for many, it creates a mental state I like to call “zombie”.

7 Ways To Tell If You’re A Zombie

1. You’re sleeping through everyth…zzzzz…..

You don’t like your life, the people in it, or yourself, so you switch your brain into off mode. Autopilot. Time-lapse wonderland.

You escape life through daydreaming, addictions, overeating, and anything else you can find to numb out the noise of reality. 

Suddenly you find out you have no idea how this week, month and year — or a decade, if you’re a pro zombie — disappeared.

You escape life through daydreaming, addictions, overeating, and anything else you can find to numb out the noise of reality. You silence your emotion, too, which is the tuning fork to by which we experience reality in real time.

2. Narrow focus

Modern-day zombies don’t waste their energy on trying to be happy — it’s too costly and draining. Instead, they use reptile reasoning to make it through the day. Like an alligator, snake or other creepy/slimy ground dweller, their interactions with the world are focused on three thoughts:

  • Can I eat it?
  • Can I have sex with it?
  • Will it kill me?

We’re not kidding when we say reptile brain, either. Experts call it the “old brain”, an ancient part of your mind linked to our basic human instincts.

“The job of your old brain is to constantly scan the environment and answer the questions: ‘Can I eat it? Can I have sex with it? Will it kill me?’”

Behavioral science specialist Susan Weinschenk says “the job of your old brain is to constantly scan the environment and answer the questions: ‘Can I eat it? Can I have sex with it? Will it kill me?’ That’s really all the old brain cares about: food sex and danger.”

If this focus gets too extreme, addictions get added to the list and you  take your zombieness to another level, cutting out empathy and self-respect to support a habit that makes your brain and body addicted to escaping reality.

3.  Reality Check

You may not be a zombie by technical definition, but you pretty much try to eat people alive when they point out your strange, act-like-the-dead behavior. Do any of these sound like you?

  • You get angry when people remind you about your behavior or lifestyle.
  • You are scared of change, and since you can’t control your mind, you react to fear with anger.

    ‘You are scared of change, and since you can’t control your mind, you react to fear with anger.”

  • You lack true empathy because empathy does not support your own behavior.
  • You attack others, gossip and lie in order to support your mindset.
  • You are insanely jealous of people who have things you want because it reminds you of the reality you want.

 

4. Zombified Response: Run, Attack or Denial

Zombies don’t like to be confronted about their behavior. Since they are in reptile brain mode, they see questions about their behaviors as an attack. Only two responses exist: attack, or run.

To simplify a complex world, you make blueprints to handle situations that are meant to wake you from your zombie state.

5. Zombies Are Your Only Friends

You love like-minded zombies who mimic your (supremely low) level of enthusiasm and do not challenge your beliefs, thoughts, or pattern of behaviors.

“Anytime anyone criticizes you, you go into full zombie-attack mode, hungry for warm flesh and the death of all who dare point out your zombieness.”

You lack coping mechanisms to make friends with honest non-zombies, so anytime anyone criticizes you, you go into full zombie-attack mode, hungry for warm flesh and the death of all who dare point out your zombieness.

Misery loves zombie company, right?

6. No Mindfulness

You have little or no ability to concentrate or meditate .. it’s a waste of time, and it’s for non-zombies who are spiritual or into some weird alternative world.

You hate mindfulness because it takes your head out of the sand and makes you uncomfortable. Your goal is to numb your feelings and keep yourself removed from reality. Your number one focus is to binge on video games, TV, food, drug/alcohol addictions and anything else that can remove you from the unpleasant human world.

Girl Eyes, Zombie, Goaly Blog

Your dream is to get home from work so you can do absolutely nothing.

Your entire identity is trapped in a uncontrolled, unaware zombie state  filled with limiting beliefs that scare you so much you shut off even more of your conscious mind and your brain goes into permanent autopilot. Denial of reality is the main force behind your zombieness.

7. Emotional Vampire

You eat others’ energy like it was warm flesh. After all, you stopped believing in your own passion and purpose a long time ago and settled into your bitter way of life.

When meeting people who have positive energy, you eat them alive or put them down because you feel scared and insecure they’re actually alive.

You get happy when someone falls to your level and indulges in zombie misery. You feel more connected with them especially if they also like to bury their days in a mountain of junk food, cigarette butts, drugs and a handsome sprinkling of empty beer cans. As in every zombie movie, you won’t attack someone who is “one of you”.

Big City, Big Zombie Problems

Traveling around the world last year, I saw a lack of zombies in Costa Rica and a serious concentration of them in New York. How is that even possible?! You’d think a third-world country with less resources and less education should be more zombified than the culture capital of the world. But, it’s not. Why?

Costa Rica is a place where the people live in the moment. They aren’t controlled by money or time or fear. Or Facebook. Or media and television. They spend time outside, focusing on friends and family in real-time and not through Facebook or Skype.

New York, on the other hand, is the complete opposite.

Endless options make people numb. The brain stops working. The ego takes over. Our lives become plastic and fake. Deep human connections are lost. Zombies rise up from their life-graves and devour the living.

New York City, Zombie, Goaly Blog

The bigger city, the bigger the community of zombies.

Zombiness is a disease. We get addicted to the mindset of being mindless. Of being in off mode. Of escape. Of demolishing mindfulness. And we lose sight of working toward a life we cherish, love and desire.

A Quick Zombie Checklist

Think of these questions in the context of what happened yesterday. If you answer no to any of these questions, seek human interaction immediately:

  • Do you remember what you did last day?
  • Do you remember what you ate?
  • Do you remember who you connected with?
  • Did you get a hug or did people avoid you (Run away?)
  • Did you see any nature, flowers or people and feel connected in that moment?
  • Do you go “offline” when you eat, and suddenly see you have eaten everything.
  • Do you get annoyed by support and guidance?

Four Ways To Cure Yourself from Zombieism

Are you a modern-day zombie? There is a cure. In fact, there are things you can practice every day that will snap you out of your undead state.

1. Mindfulness

Zombies are mindless. Mindfulness is the opposite of mindlessness.

A mindful life might be very unpleasant in the beginning and your reptile brain might tell you that embracing reality is way more boring that food, sex and survival. I promise, your new mindfulness won’t kill you.

The more zombie you’ve become, the more mindfulness you require. Unlatching that brain of yours from your piles of reality-robbing addictions and plugging into the real world is exactly what you need.

2. Self-Love

There’s a reason why you never see a zombie movie where the undead do yoga, hug a friend (without trying to maul them like a wild dog) or smile just because they felt like it. Zombies are busy feeding the numbed beast within.

Heart, Zombie, Goaly Blog

You can get a head start on self-love by determining your purpose in life, that thing which makes you jump out of bed in the morning (human flesh not included).

To figure out your purpose, take a look at the stuff in your life you embraced to keep yourself locked in zombie world — job, partner, friends, habits, etc. Find a way out that doesn’t involve self-hate, self-harm or daydreaming.

Then, practice the three P’s:

  • Find a purpose you love
  • Find passions you love
  • Find the people you love who will support your mission to unzombify yourself.

Once you’ll do this, you’ll start to feel the very unzombie feeling of love for and from your authentic friends. You’ll realize the power of being loved by people who love you for who you are and are willing to let you be whoever you want to be.

“Find a purpose you love. Find passions you love. Find the people you love who will support your mission to unzombify yourself.”

You’ll become aware of and connected to your mind, body and soul — this is self-love

3. Honesty and Trust

You wouldn’t trust a zombie, right? Honesty — being real and authentic — totally kills the zombie lifestyle. Honest people are trustworthy.

An honest life is built on a real foundation, not a bunch of false fronts and deceptions. I’m not going to lie — once you start leading an honest life, your zombie friends will run for their live because they do not like the sound of authenticity

It scares the crap out of them because they don’t know how to mirror authenticity in themselves.

4. Reduce Your Ego

Ego-driven people make the perfect zombie because they eat people alive. Their need to make everything about them goes back to the desires of the reptile brain – food, sex and survival.

Of course, you don’t want to a reptilian-brained zombie, right? So make sure your heart is bigger than your ego, and awake to experience all the great things zombies can’t see, hear or feel because they’re walking through life in zombie mode.

“A big heart doesn’t just cure zombieism; it makes your whole life more warm, loving and meaningful.”

If you need less ego, participate in activities which focus on others, not yourself: charity, support groups, a friend who needs your help or even a movie that makes you feel connected with the world in a bigger sense.

Do everything you can to train the empathy nerve that zombies numb or ignore. When empathy is triggered, the heart is growing, which is a good thing. A big heart doesn’t just cure zombieism, it makes your whole life more warm, loving and meaningful.

 

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We love our limiting beliefs…

Our personal refrains of “I’m not good enough” and “I don’t deserve that” or “I can’t be loved” are what experts call “limiting beliefs”, those powerful notions in our minds that deter us from doing certain things because we believe they are beyond the limits of what is due to us.

New York-based life coach Lisa Romano – author, head of her own coaching practice and mother of three – pointed out one of her previous limiting beliefs: that surviving was more important that happiness.

“Life was always about survival,” Romano said. “When I told my father about me wanting to divorce my first husband … he looked at me square in the eye, and as disgust swept across his face he said, ‘Who ever said you had to be happy Lisa? Life is hard. All you have to do is survive.’ I knew in that moment why it was that I never accomplished the goals I set out to achieve.”

Romano’s experience is just one of many common limiting beliefs which hinder us from inner liberty and joy. Here are nine common limiting beliefs and how to overcome them now:

#1 “I cannot be loved because I have too much baggage.”

Part of  Lisa Romano’s struggle was that, after having three children and being divorced, her family and friends told her ‘baggage’ made her undesirable.

The key to overcoming this limiting belief was to refuse to give up on her dream of finding a loving partner. As feelings drive thoughts, she said, you have to feel your worthiness.

I held steadfast to my dream of one day manifesting a relationship that would make me feel seen, heard, validated, and respected.

“In spite of how ingrained my limiting beliefs were, I held steadfast to my dream of one day manifesting a relationship that would make me feel seen, heard, validated, and respected,” she said. “I know it is hard to believe, but my new husband asked me out on our first date precisely on my forty-fifth birthday. It’s been almost two years since we married, and life is better than I ever could have imagined.”

#2 “What other people think matters more than what I think.”

Carole Ann Rice, a life coach based in the United Kingdom, said this belief is far too common. The results of this limiting belief, she pointed out, are devastating – “When you live by the approval of others you die by their criticism.”

The key to overcoming this belief is to acknowledge and embrace that you are in control of your own fate.

When you live by the approval of others you die by their criticism.

“I get the client to ‘own’ their own lives, to see that they are the authors of their own destiny and that they can’t live by the rules of others,” she said.

#3 “What if people think I’m crazy?”

Barrie Davenport, the life coach behind the Atlanta’s Live Bold and Bloom, said this limiting belief usually arrives when we are making daily choices big and small.

“We all want a guarantee of success and ease when it comes to change and decisions in our lives and work,” Davenport said.

We feel a sense of uncertainty that spurs our doubts. The key to overcoming this limiter, she said, is coming to terms with the fact that nearly every decision you make carries a certain measure of the unknown.

We all want a guarantee of success and ease when it comes to change and decisions in our lives and work.

“Get comfortable with the feelings of uncertainty and learn to trust your own intelligence and judgment,” she said. “When you apply common sense, the wisdom of experience and appropriate due diligence, you are doing everything you can to lessen the risk. But eventually you must take a leap of faith.”

#4 “I am a failure.”

Gary Amers, a top life coach in the United Kingdom, said the limiting belief that you are a failure sticks to us like a magnet. The bond which keeps us chained to our limiting belief is a mix of images, sounds and language.

Amers said the use of negative language as we think about our failures is a key component of our limiting thoughts. If you’re constantly telling yourself you’re a failure, change the language. 

If you actually felt like a success, how would that feel?

Amers suggested asking yourself the following questions: “What if you weren’t a failure? How would that feel? If you actually felt like a success, how would that feel?”

Once you’ve asked those questions, turn your focus to your limiting belief: “Could you doubt your belief even just a little bit? How does it feel to know you can doubt it? Now that you’ve analyzed your limiting belief, is it a complete lie? How do you know for certain?”

#5 “I’m too…”

One of the most common limiters life coaches hear is the “I’m too” phrases: “I’m too old,” “I’m too set in my ways,” “It’s too hard” and the like. These limiters, Barrie Davenport said, are based on fear — we make excuses to have a reason for passing up an opportunity.

I challenge (my clients) to break down the effort into small and manageable chunks and take the first few steps toward their goal

The best medicine for this limiter, she said, is to take the big task and divide it up into easier-to-approach parts.

“I challenge (my clients) to break down the effort into small and manageable chunks and take the first few steps toward their goal,” she said. “More often than not, they see their limiting belief didn’t hold any water.”

# 6 “I am not enough.”

California-based life coach Christine Hassler and Las Vegas life coach and New York Times bestselling author Christy Whitman both pointed out this limiting belief. Whitman said it’s “the most common and usually the hardest to change.”

We feel the unending pressures of our job, our families and our inner growth and we succumb to the sense that we are missing something.

“(This belief) comes from forgetting we are totally whole, complete, and connected to Source energy. When we were born, we knew we that,” Hassler said. “But then things happen in our life that create hurt, fear, doubt, judgment, etc. and we totally forget and buy into the limiting beliefs.”

Overcoming this limiting belief is a matter of remembering who we really are, exploring our past and discovering a sense of spirituality. 

Remembering we are one, loved and totally connected to source usually requires doing personal growth work.

“Remembering we are one, loved and totally connected to source,” Hassler said. “Since remembering that is not always easy, it usually requires doing personal growth work to tend to some of the past hurts in combination with getting on a spiritual path of some kind.”

Whitman said using your mental energy for positive thoughts and not the negative ones you normally entertain is  another technique to overcome this belief.

“We need to find the energy in our minds and bodies and shift it into what we do want and then feel the new energy replacing the old energy,” she said.

#7 “Somebody else can do it better than me.”

Jill Tupper, a life coach in Kansas City (Mo.), said this limiting belief is one of the most effective in stopping us from taking action.

“We hold ourselves back, utterly convincing ourselves that it’s not worth the effort as another can do it better,” she said.

The starting point for deconstructing this lie is seeing yourself as you truly are — imperfections and all.

We hold ourselves back.

That can be difficult, she said, because we hold ourselves to such high standards of perfection we often cower back from a task and let someone else accomplish it.

“Cognitively we know this is absurd,” she said, “yet we fall for it again and again.”

#8 “I have less value as a single mom than I did as a married mom.”

Many single moms face the startling realization that the world around them — even their friends and family — is disappointed they got divorced. Live with this disapproval long enough and you start to believe it, Jill Tupper said, pointing to her own experience with this limiting belief.

“It had infiltrated the depths of my psyche in such a way that its talons had sunk their grip into my mind and heart and I bought it unquestionably,” she said.

It was rolling up my sleeves, facing my fears and stepping way out of what I thought I could do on my own.

Tupper’s personal solution was to do something in direct opposition to the belief — she took her kids to Mexico for nonprofit work, an idea she said she had convinced herself was crazy because she was a single mom.

“It was rolling up my sleeves, facing my fears and stepping way out of what I thought I could do on my own that broke the dark curse I had placed upon myself,” Tupper noted.

#9 “I don’t deserve this.”

This limiting belief comes from a weak self-esteem, Barrie Davenport said.

“We don’t feel worthy enough to be successful or to go after what we really want in life,” she said.

One of the best ways to rebuild your self-esteem is to do the thing you don’t think you deserve.

For a lot of people, this belief is instilled in them during their childhood and they nurture it as they grow older. Davenport said the best way to combat this limiting belief is to approach it head-on: identify the thing you think you don’t deserve and pursue it.

“One of the best ways to rebuild your self-esteem is to do the thing you don’t think you deserve,” she said. “Go for the goal and achieve something meaningful to you. Accomplishment is an amazing self-esteem booster.”

Learning to be somebody different

Limiting beliefs, no matter which ones they are, can become so ingrained into our way of thinking we lose sight of who we can be. Restoring our thoughts and our self-perception is possible, said Aboodi Shabi, a personal development and leadership expert: we can be who we want to be.

Even though you think you might be attached to your fixed notions of self, and resistant to change, they begin to understand they can learn to be somebody different than who they currently are.

“In my coaching, the biggest realisation for clients is that many of the ‘truths’ they have about themselves are just something they learned,” he said. “And, even though they might …  be attached to their fixed notions of their self, and resistant to change, they begin to understand they can learn to be somebody different than who they currently are.”

Life coaching has an amazing history…

While it may seem like the field has become popular in the last 10 years, the industry’s roots dig deeply into the soil of the 20th century. Some even say the philosophies of life coaching date back to the ancient Greeks and the famous philosopher Socrates.

“Coaching isn’t something new. It’s built on a lot of history. It’s not magic or hocus-pocus.”

Regardless of when the industry started, you probably want to know why understanding the history of life coaching is important.

The Harvard Expert: Vikki Brock

For this answer, we talked with Vikki Brock, a Harvard grad widely regarded as the authority on the history of coaching.

Vikki Brock, History of Coaching, Goaly Blog

“People need to recognize that coaching isn’t something new and that it’s built on a lot of history,” Brock said. “It’s not magic or hocus pocus or anything.”

For Brock, coaching is a tradition built upon hundreds — if not thousands — of years of important philosophies in the medical and non-medical worlds.

“It’s built on strong, interpersonal skills,” she said. “By understanding that it’s got solid roots, the individual who wants to get coaching may start from a more trusting place and be able to be more open.”

How did coaching get it start?

Great question…you can thank postmodernism for laying the groundwork for the emergence of modern coaching.

Thank You, Postmodernism!

Postmodernism is the thought movement which started in the 50’s and replaced the modernist way of thinking that dominated the world up to that point.

This shift from modernism to postmodernism was a global shift. Here are five examples of how our thinking changed:

  • A scientific world ruled by logic, rationality, objectivity, and analytical thinking gave way to a humanistic mindset where human bonding, networking, subjectivity, community and collaboration ruled.
  • A world where conformity was emphasized was replaced with a world where individualism and human potential took center stage.
  • Our ravenous pursuit of economic wealth faded and in its place emerged the pursuit of meaning, happiness and purpose.
  • The model of leadership in which people at the top teach and decide gave way to the community model of leadership where we learn from each other and participate in decisions together.
  • Change’s pace was relatively predictable, but then became far too fast to predict.

(Source: “Grounded Theory of the Roots and Emergence of Coaching”
by Vikki G. Brock, pp. 346-347)

Individuals started to move away from their support systems (family, friends, etc.) to find work, leaving them without any disciplines aside from psychology to help them cope with their self-directed journeys.

With modernism out of the way and a new reality rising, the world was ready for coaching. But first, it needed a good dose of Gestalt.

Gestalt Therapy

As the seeds of postmodern started to push up through the soil of the global psyche, another important movement was taking place: Gestalt therapy, a psychological tool German psychologist Fritz Perls popularized.

Fritz Perls, History of Coaching, Goaly Blog
Fritz Perls

Perls believed Gestalt therapy focuses on the patient, who has the potential, through the awareness of his or her present feelings and non-verbal cues, to recover his or her lost potential. The answer, Perls thought, lies inside the patient.

Gestalt therapy viewed the individual as an integrated whole made up of thoughts, emotions and feelings.

Gestalt therapy viewed the individual as an integrated whole made up of thoughts, emotions and feelings, a philosophy which fit perfectly with postmodernism. The Gestalt approach could be applied to nearly any coaching situation and  it was from this framework that coaching started grow and mature.

However, the Gestalt method was just part of the picture of coaching’s early history. Other thought leaders came into the picture who shaped coaching.

 

The Major Players in the History of Coaching

As we’ve talked about, we can thank postmodernism for the social environment which made coaching possible. Think of it as the soil.

Then, Gestalt therapy became popular, emphasizing humanism and being present in the moment. Think of this as fertilizer making the soil of postmodernism rich and ready for planting.

A long list of influential thinkers and coaches then arrived to plant and water the seeds that would grow into the diverse, influential industry that is now coaching.

A long list of influential thinkers and coaches then arrived to plant and water the seeds that would grow into the diverse, influential industry that is now coaching.

Though major players came to the forefront in the 60’s and 70’s, Brock said, their ideas and philosophies were built on the influence of psychologists and sports coaches who came before them.

Brock lists psychotherapist and doctor Alfred Adler as the 20th-century source of thinking that paved the way for the emergence of coaching in the postmodern era much in the same the Gestalt method did.

Alfred Adler, History of Coaching, Goaly Blog
Alfred Adler

Adler practiced in the early 1900’s. He emphasized “individual psychology,” in which he believed individuals were whole beings connected to family and society who could use principles of psychology in their own life to bring about personal development.

 

Brock links Adler’s ideas to several men who came after him, including: Napoleon Hill, Martin Heidegger, Carl Jung and Abraham Maslow. These men, along with other psychologists  like Carl Rogers, Virginia Satir and Albert Ellis in turn prepared the field for possibly the most influential name in coaching history, Werner Erhard.

 

Werner Erhard: The Father of Modern Coaching

Werner Erhard might be the single most influential person in the founding of the life coaching industry, not necessarily because he started the idea of coaching but because he started a movement which influenced many important names in coaching’s history.

Werner Erhard, History of Coaching, Goaly Blog

Erhard started his professional career as a salesman, transitioning into several different fields before starting Erhard Seminars Training, or “est” for short.

In 1982, author Steve Tipton wrote about the then-contemporary est movement, saying the principle behind est was simple: find fulfillment in your own path and pursue inner satisfaction along with “outer” success:

“est defines what is intrinsically valuable in self-expressive categories consonant with counter-cultural ideals. Then it uses these personally fulfilling and expressive ends to justify the routine work and goal achievement of mainstream public life. This formula … motivates them to lead this life effectively, with an eye to inner satisfaction as well as external success.”

The idea that you should find a career that fulfills more than your financial desires seems normal now, but at the time, the philosophy was radically different than the modernist mindset which still lingered.

 

Erhard’s Influence: Business, Sports, Ontology, American Coaching

Erhard’s seminar series and teaching influenced thousands of people, some of whom started their own coaching niches based on his philosophies.

The following categories and personalities are sourced from a 2014 presentation by Vikki Brock.

Management and Consulting

Ken Blanchard, Robert Hargrove, Warren Bennis and Peter Senge are four of the big names in the history of management and consulting coaching. Blanchard, author of the bestselling “The One Minute Manager” is perhaps the most famous of the bunch.

Sports

Timothy Gallwey, Sir John Whitmore and Graham Alexander are the key players in this niche.

Gallwey was a tennis coach who created an approach to sports called the Inner Game, in which players ditched self-criticism for self-exploration. Coach and player were partners, a philosophy which became the bedrock of modern coaching.

Alexander and Whitmore are credited with the GROW philosophy of coaching, in which athletes are challenged to come up with a goal, identify the reality, tackle the obstacles and move forward.

Ontology

Erhard’s dialogue with politician and entrepreneur Fernando Flores resulted in the emergence of ontological coaching, a movement that included Rafael Echevarria, Julio Olalla and James Flaherty. This movement has been very influential in the business world.

Rafael Echevarria, History of Coaching, Goaly Blog
Rafael Echevarria

According to Olalla’s Newfield organization, “ ontological coaching addresses the concern for more effective action while also addressing the concerns of the human soul that are mostly left out of our learning practices today”.

American Coaching

Other coaches played an important role in the popularity of coaching in the United States, including names like Laura Whitworth, who co-founded the Coaches Training Institute and the Alliance of Coach Training Organizations, and was a founding member of the Personal Professional Coaches Association; and Thomas Leonard, who founded Coach U, the International Coach Federation, the International Association of Coaches and Coachville.

Three  Important Philosophies
Within Coaching’s History

The names we mentioned were largely responsible for the rise of coaching in the modern world. In the midst of this growth, several important philosophies integrated themselves into mainstream coaching:

Hypnotherapy: Milton Erickson

Erickson was a psychiatrist and psychotherapist who championed using hypnosis as a form of therapy. Though Erickson wasn’t a coach, per se, his 1950’s theories on using his own casual version of hypnosis became a popular trend in the years to come in the coaching world. For example, U.K. life coach Gary Amers is a clinical hypnotherapist.

The Inner Game: Timothy Gallwey

Gallwey was Werner Erhard’s tennis coach and author of a book called “The Inner Game of Tennis” Gallwey’s ideas about coaching and the mind were eventually used in the business world, spawning what is today a popular area of life coaching.

Timothy Gallwey, History of Coaching, Goaly Blog
Timothy Gallwey

The book, published in 1974, made the distinction between the outer game (the actual competition) and the inner game (the competitor’s mind). The “Inner Game” philosophy emphasizes methods for removing anxiety and self-doubt of the inner game to produce positive results in the outer game.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP): Richard Bandler and John Grinder

Bandler and Grinder are two very popular names in the coaching world. In the 1970’s they originated the method of coaching known as NLP, in which coach and client can use the client’s neurology, language and experiences to reach the client’s goals.

Bandler and Grinder’s philosophies about communication and coaching are a combination of several different ideas, including Milton Erickson’s hypnotherapy and Perls’ Gestalt therapy.

Leaving the Church, Looking for Help:
The 1990’s & Beyond

Another important cultural factor in the rise in coaching has been the decline in worldwide church attendance:

Just like postmoderns leaving their homes and their support systems, churchgoers are leaving their support system of spiritual leaders and they’re looking for wisdom and advice.

“I think we all need someone outside ourselves in order to help us see where we are blind,” U.K. Leadership developerAboodi Shabi said. “In the past we might have gone to a priest … for guidance, someone outside our lives who could bring new perspectives, or provide a spiritual framework for our lives. I think those are some of the reasons for the growth of coaching in recent times.”

Where Coaching Is Today

As we’ve read, there are hundreds upon hundreds of building blocks which make up the modern industry of coaching: psychology, psychiatry, Gestalt therapy sports coaching, hypnosis, NLP and more.

The beauty of life coaching is that though the industry is made up of more than 100,000 coaches and has literally dozens of niches, the mosaic of interests and specialities is based on the ideas and philosophies of the 20th century’s most influential and well-studied psychologists and psychiatrists.

This strong foundation of science and innovation has led to the heart of the coaching industry: to bring about real change in the lives of the clients with whom coaches partner.

A 2012 study by the international Coach Federation, one of the most respected coaching organizations in the world, showed that coaching clients said their sessions with their coach produced measurable changes in their life.

  • 80% said they had improved self-confidence
  • 73% said they had improved relationships
  • 72% said they had improved communication skills
  • 67% said they had improved life/work balance

Vikki Brock estimates that there are more than 500 coach training centers around that world, and that the coaching industry is growing by 2,500 new coaches per year.

While the future of coaching depends on as many factors as  the past of coaching, one thing is clear: the present state of coaching is transforming the lives of clients whose goal is to become the person they’ve wanted to become and to embrace the aspirations for which they’ve longed.

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Suffering: The Creative, Positive Force

As Terry Waite, hostage in Lebanon for four years has shared, “Suffering is universal. You attempt to subvert it so that it does not have a destructive, negative effect. You turn it around so that it becomes a creative, positive force.”

Suffering is universal. You can turn it around so that it becomes a creative, positive force.

Mental health experts call the process of putting the pieces together after a traumatic experience, “post-traumatic growth,” a term coined by two scientists in the 1990’s.

According to a 2014 Psychology Today blog post, though trauma — rape, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, torture and other forms — can be devastating, some individuals have found the power to harness the most challenging aspects of their trauma and use it for positive change.

Three General Benefits of Trauma

The author of the story, U.K.-based professor of psychology Dr. Stephen Joseph, shared three ways in which psychological functioning increases after trauma:

  • Relationships are enhanced
  • Self-perceptions are modified
  • Life philosophies change

man-690201_1280

 

The Five Specific Forms of Posttraumatic Growth

Not everyone can overcome the pain of trauma, but for those who do, their growth and success usually happens in the following five ways:

A sense of new opportunities emerge from the struggle

Trauma can be a reset button and a creative spark – you’re forced to push beyond your limiting beliefs and find a better reality. You’re motivated to stretch your neck higher, to grow and to move forward. Standing still will only hurt you.

For many, this breakdown is a breakthrough that leads to a new set of more positive experiences. You see opportunities and create solutions that benefit everyone.

A deepening of relationships with specific people in your life

You need to heal. You need to connect. Those who connect deeply and engage with others are the best types of leaders.  A leader inspires others through his/her vision, and for that vision to motivate to action, we need to connect with it.

Going through trauma and working with it restores your trust in yourself and everyone involved in the process. 

Sincere and authentic leaders motivate us because we want to be led by someone who sees us for who we are, not who they want us to be.

Going through trauma and working with it restores your trust in yourself and everyone involved in the process. Trust is simply the foundation in every human interaction. It´s a currency always lacking in every industry, and its absence is the reason why most relationships falter.

An increased sense of one’s own strength

You know how strong you are. Compared to what you suffered, anything seems like a walk in the park. Along with this sense of your own strength is the ability to see more clearly the strength in others. It’s like the old saying, “If you spot it, you got it.”

For example, you may have learned, from a place of authenticity, that a coworker or friend can be trusted when you’re dealing with difficult challenges. You know who your friends are, and value their strengths and support. You, in turn, wish to support them in the experiences that challenge them.

You have to nurture a strength-based confidence from your inner self, not an outer ego or arrogance.

Remember, you have to nurture a strength-based confidence from your inner self, not an outer ego or arrogance. When you do, your confidence radiates as charisma, not as arrogance or fear.  And this true charisma inspires everyone to glow and to grow.

Through your trauma, you exchange a small lightbulb with a large one that shines throughout the workplace because your mind and spirit have overcome and prevailed.

A greater appreciation for life in general

You appreciate life and see it through a new paradigm. You learn that we are not our thoughts, we are processors of thoughts. As a result, you gain more control over your mind.

When we learn how to build powerful coping mechanisms to help us handle stress and traumatic experiences, we can learn how to appreciate life in a more complete way.

This new perspective affects your work, too, because you learn to appreciate the people around you in new ways. This helps the workplace as a whole because nothing motivates your team more than a leader who appreciates them.

A deepening of your spiritual life

Trauma pushes our mind into finding answers we might not have looked for before — spiritual answers

Spirituality puts our life in the context of a bigger purpose and bigger picture. Our life becomes more than just us.

We’re not just stuck inside our tiny heads – we realize we have the entire universe in which to collaborate and succeed.

(Source: University of North Carolina at Asheville)

Positive, But Still Painful

We believe trauma can be a powerful positive force in your life. However, it’s important to remember that trauma is difficult. Even though it can produce greatness, not everyone can overcome it. The experts at UNC-Asheville remind us that:

  • Just because individuals experience growth doesn’t mean they avoid suffering
  • Traumatic events are never good, despite any growth you experience from it
  • Not everyone experiences post-traumatic growth

We meet challenges throughout our lives,  and it is up to us if they will break us or make us.

Going through trauma is hard, but if we’re committed to overcoming it, it can transform our ability to connect, transform and live our lives.

For more information and support to navigate through your challenges, visit Goaly.com.

In the meantime, check out our introductory video to find out who we are and what we’re about: